NSR - Jet Peddler's clean and respectable Joke of the Day
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Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Mon Aug 14, 2017 6:01 pm quote
When can eating birthday cake give you heartburn?














When you forget to blow out the candles.
Ossessionato
GTS250
Joined: 16 Jan 2010
Posts: 3324
Location: Tempe, AZ
Mon Aug 14, 2017 6:03 pm quote
Where to pencils go on vacation (stolen from a TV commercial)




Pennsylvania!
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Mon Aug 14, 2017 6:10 pm quote
What do you call a short fortune-teller who's hiding from the police?














A small medium at large.

Last edited by Jet Peddler on Sat Sep 30, 2017 4:56 pm; edited 1 time in total
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Tue Aug 15, 2017 4:06 am quote
Why does Waldo always wear stripes?














Because he doesn't want to be spotted.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Tue Aug 15, 2017 4:35 pm quote
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?













Great food, but no atmosphere.
Ossessionato
2013 GTS 300 i.e.
Joined: 05 Sep 2012
Posts: 2053
Location: Northern California
Tue Aug 15, 2017 5:18 pm quote
Yep.

Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Wed Aug 16, 2017 12:06 am quote
What did the D.J. say to the vegetable farmer?














Lettuce turnip the beet!
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Wed Aug 16, 2017 9:35 am quote
Never trust people with graph paper.














They're always plotting something!
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Wed Aug 16, 2017 7:28 pm quote
What did the coffee say to the cream on Valentine's Day?














It's hard for me to espresso myself, but I really love you a latte.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Thu Aug 17, 2017 6:38 am quote
What did the cat on the smart phone say?














Can you hear meow?
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Thu Aug 17, 2017 7:52 pm quote
When is a door not a door?














When it's ajar.
Hooked
GTV-300ie Touring
Joined: 12 Aug 2016
Posts: 245
Location: Bishop, CA
Thu Aug 17, 2017 8:09 pm quote
Poindexter the CalTech student rides across campus on a new bicycle, and arrives at the last class of the day, greeted by his friends, Bill and Steve.

Bill notices the bike, and says, "Sweet ride, Poindexter. Where'd you get it?"

Poindexter replies, "It's the craziest thing. I was coming from Beckman auditorium after a lecture by Stephen Hawking, and the most beautiful girl I've ever seen rode up on the sidewalk, jumped off the bike, tore off every stitch of clothing she had on, and threw them right on the ground."

"Wow! says Steve. "Then what happened?"

Poindexter says, "She walked right up to me, leaned in close, and whispered seductively in my ear, "Take what you want, big boy!"





























"Good call," said Steve. "Those clothes never would have fit you."
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Fri Aug 18, 2017 5:32 am quote
Why was the math teacher such a good dancer?














She had algorithm.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Fri Aug 18, 2017 5:42 pm quote
What do you get when you combine Star Wars and baseball?














The Umpire Strikes Out.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Sat Aug 19, 2017 2:50 pm quote
What do you call a cow with no legs?














Ground beef.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Sun Aug 20, 2017 3:53 pm quote
Why do dolphins make bad doubles partners?














They are terrified of approaching the net.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Mon Aug 21, 2017 5:49 am quote
What did the curmudgeon eat on his birthday?














Crab cake.

Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Mon Aug 21, 2017 6:35 pm quote
I hate stereotypers.














They're all alike.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Tue Aug 22, 2017 5:08 am quote
What's a pirate's favorite letter?














You might think it's R, but his first love be the C.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Tue Aug 22, 2017 7:44 pm quote
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?














Poke her face.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Wed Aug 23, 2017 6:34 pm quote
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.














She seemed surprised.
Hooked
Bo - midnight blue GT200 R.I.P. Tethys - 300 GTS Titanium
Joined: 22 Jul 2008
Posts: 445
Location: State College, PA
Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:54 am quote
How do you make a kleenex dance?

















Put a little boogie in it.
Addicted
GTS 300 - 'George IV' (KIA) GTS Super 300 - 'George V'
Joined: 18 Nov 2015
Posts: 681
Location: West London UK
Thu Aug 24, 2017 5:40 am quote
I've given up asking rhetorical questions.


What's the point ?😜
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Thu Aug 24, 2017 7:56 am quote
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?














Outlaws are wanted.
Ossessionato
2010 ThunderFly 190, 2008 250 GTS
Joined: 29 Apr 2011
Posts: 2518
Location: Springboro, OH
Thu Aug 24, 2017 9:25 am quote
What do you call a cow that has just given birth?












De-Calf-inated
Ossessionato
2010 ThunderFly 190, 2008 250 GTS
Joined: 29 Apr 2011
Posts: 2518
Location: Springboro, OH
Thu Aug 24, 2017 9:26 am quote
What do you get when you cross and elephant with a rhinoceros?













eliphino!
Hooked
GT 60
Joined: 29 Sep 2016
Posts: 136
Location: Marin County, Ca
Fri Aug 25, 2017 5:02 am quote
Why can't scooters stand up on their own?

Because they're too tired
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Fri Aug 25, 2017 7:54 am quote
I poured root beer in a square glass.














Now I just have beer.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Fri Aug 25, 2017 5:49 pm quote
What do you do with a sick chemist?















If you can't Curium, and you can't Helium, you might as well Barium.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Fri Aug 25, 2017 10:45 pm quote
What is the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?














One is very heavy. The other is a little lighter.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Sat Aug 26, 2017 7:48 am quote
What did Zero say to Eight?














Nice belt!
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Sun Aug 27, 2017 9:36 am quote
And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.














But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:59 pm quote
What do you call a singing computer?














Adele.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Mon Aug 28, 2017 7:27 am quote
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?














A Labracadabrador.
Veni, Vidi, Posti
2007 LX150 2015 GTS 2013 BV 350
Joined: 13 Sep 2012
Posts: 7558
Location: Fond du Lac, Wisconsin
Mon Aug 28, 2017 11:33 am quote
So, I understand you have a Boy Scout troop.

Are they plotting a rebellion?
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Mon Aug 28, 2017 1:52 pm quote
fledermaus wrote:
So, I understand you have a Boy Scout troop.

Are they plotting a rebellion?
Rebellion?

Where do you think I source most of these lame jokes?
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Tue Aug 29, 2017 5:28 am quote
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday.














Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Tue Aug 29, 2017 7:11 pm quote
I have the heart of a lion.














And a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Wed Aug 30, 2017 7:12 pm quote
What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?















Aye matey!
Ossessionato
LX150, GTS300, BV350, EN650
Joined: 26 Jul 2017
Posts: 4407
Location: Home of the Alamo
Thu Aug 31, 2017 11:12 am quote
Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other: "I need you to help me get to the other side!"















The other guy replies "You are on the other side!"
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