On the way home from work today I was riding through some out of the way country roads when I saw a car in the distance parked up with the hazards flashing.
Being a bit beaky (and a kind hearted soul) I decided to stop and check everything was okay.
There was a heavily pregnant woman holding a tyre iron, looking very flustered and like she could burst into tears at any moment.
I asked her if she needed any help and she told me that although she was more than capable of changing a tyre she couldn't get the nuts off the wheel as they were rusted tight.
She asked me if I could have a go at trying to get them loose, I was sorely tempted to remark that in her condition she was more likely to be able to shift the nuts than I was......but I thought better of it!
Of course I said yes and while she was wiping away her tears of gratitude I managed to quickly nip behind a hedge and change into the superman outfit I wear under my clothes every day just in case this sort of opportunity presented itself......well okay.....it was not a superman outfit per se......technically it was just my Y fronts pulled up to my chin and a supermarket carrier bag torn length ways and draped over my shoulders but it looked impressive I bet.
I jumped from behind the hedge just as the lady's eyes were clearing and she promptly screamed and asked me who the **** I thought I was
"I am Super Plus Gas Man" I replied brandishing the can of penetrating oil I had removed from the pet carrier
"You're a ******* looney" she replied
"No I am Super Plus Gas Man" I shouted excitedly
"Does that mean you fart a lot" she asked
"Only when I shout excitedly" I sheepishly replied while strategically rearranging my Y Fronts so the titanic guffah I had just emitted did not break out into the open.
"well I do not care, as long as you can help me change this tyre you can be bleedin' Sir FartsaLot for all i care" she said rolling her eyes at me
I rolled her eyes back to her so she could see just how awesome Mr Super Plus Gas Man really was and went to work lubricating nuts with my hands.....not a phrase I get to use very often....well not on this website anyways.....and not without paying £1.20 per minute for the privilege.
After a few minutes soaking my nuts (at this point I felt I had bonded enough with them to call them mine) I put the tyre iron on them and "Voila"....I have no idea why a french man suddenly appeared to announce the fact that I had managed to loosen the nuts but he did......and slightly stole my thunder....one more reason to add to the multitude why the english and the french do not like each other.
The invading french man.....now there is a phrase I REALLY did not expect to ever use...welll not on this website...or any website in the world ever was swiftly dispatched with a quick squirt of Plus Gas...I think he may have though it was deodorant and he beat a hasty retreat pretty quickly....now there IS a phrase I would expect to use!
Anyhow within 10 minutes I had the wheel off, spare wheel on and the jack back in the box.....only for it to jump back out again 30 seconds later.
The heavily pregnant lady said she would be eternally grateful and asked if there was anything she could do to reward me.
"It would delight me a great amount if you would name your soon to be born child Mr Super Plus Gas Man after me" I replied
I never did hear her answer over the screeching of tyres as she sped away shouting something about care in the community......I guess she was just glad that there even in this day and age there are still people in the community who care.........
⚠️ Last edited by leemajors on UTC; edited 1 time
Yay for you, even if you are a loony!
