Modern Vespa

Welcome!!!
A brand new scooter is a wonderful thing!

Your husband will/should get over this soon.

Lead by example! Tho he has a spotty riding past, show him you are a safe rider, and don't forget to Wear A Smile!

naaa i did 3weeks ago n im still here .... still sore but still here n still riding ...

sorry but he sounds selfish ... have a few short ride n decide which is better .......
plus they dont give ultimatums [scoots] ride or not they dont care

After you take a Motorcycle Safety Course and of course pass it with your new license endorsement. Buy the right riding gear, get more proficient in riding that new Vespa; then let your hubby ride it, but make sure you can afford to buy another one because he will want one. I just sold a scooter to a lady whose hubby wasn't very sure of the buy. He rode it in a parking lot and with a big smile said let's buy it Dear...now the scooter is in the hands of 2 happy riders.

I am not my wife's child and she is not mine. We don't tell each other what he or she can or cannot do. We do negotiate over money and time together, but when it comes to personal activities, other than providing an opinion if asked, we are each free to pursue our own dreams.

A control person may lack trust, like, what's next, you go off riding with a bunch of guys in a scooter club! Overnight trips! Next thing you know you'll be riding off into the sunset with some mod bad boy!

My advice, give the guy a little loving then go ride your scoot. Oh, wait, I thought this was the Marital Advice Forum! Sheese, I'm in the wrong site!

Kate said it all with her typical wisdom. David, you are a fortunate man.

Doing something you want to do and doing something "behind someone's back" are two different things.


This doesn't concern him. Explain nicely at first, that you want this and he can accept it. Let him sulk.

If it's genuine concern, he'll get used to it. If it's the need to control you, you'll find that out too. Then the ball is in your court.

I had a short and miserable marriage where my wife used bullying, bribery and emotional blackmail to try to "keep me in line". Ending that was the best thing i ever did.

I'm over 30 years with this marriage to a partner. Got that, a partner. There's trust and accommodation and we're both (I'm told) very happy.

Utimatums are dehumanizing Never pick "me" in a "it's that or "me". It means the "me" has no respect for "not me". Which is you.

P.

Yep.
I'm not sayin ignore him, but I would ignore his negative side and do not defend your position. You'll just engage in a back n forth about the whole thing.

Let him see you spending time reading safety books or dealers manuals. Riding around the neighborhood enjoying your time getting to know your bike. Let him see you cleaning it and learning how to change the oil and check tire pressure.

Let him see you doing what he may have enjoyed doing when he used to ride.

Do not ask for permission or why he stopped riding. He'll give you both when its time. Until then you might have some rough sailing.

**Carful riding when you have a head full of domestic problems**

Totally agree with Boulty and TB.

I'd also add that asking for forgiveness later isn't really being true or honest. I don't know what the words are to describe this, but there's some kind of cheapness when you do something with the intent of asking forgivness later. It's like saying, "Okay, I'll berate them now and ask them for forgiveness later." That's not true remorse, is it?

All this ++

An easy way to keep it looking good is a micro-fiber cloth and Lemon Pledge. Or you can go to the auto store and buy a whole shelf full of expensive stuff.

The fact is we couldn't possibly have enough information or details to draw any conclusions or make anything more than cursory comments. This whole diatribe isn't much different than the occasional customer and scooter shop problem posting. Anything we might write is pure conjecture. It's impossible from your post to sort out here. You need a stable uninterested adult to moderate. Your trained in counselling minister, a counsellor, or clinical psychologist. No one here can truly help. Do it now while your marriage is young.

From my experience, 40 years with the same girl this month, it can be a blip on the screen or a flaming crash and explosion. Essentially it's your choice. This is the last place to go for marriage counselling. If I ever doubted, this threads posts confirmed and convinced.

Hey-I was sorta this guy 25 years ago when I "asked" my soon-to-be and now still wife that she had to get rid of her 250, 400 or whatever two-wheeled Japanese two-wheeler if she really wanted to move in with me and become a married couple. She relented and did as I commanded and I can say that it is probably the biggest, crappiest, greedy, self-centered thing I have ever done. I justified that commandment by saying there was no room for both our cars and this crazy motorcycle and something she really loved and bought on her own just had to go. She had enjoyed riding two-wheelers with her father for years and I just didn't care or respect that. First thing she would do on every visit to her home was to jump on the second bike he had room for in his garage and off to the twisties they would go. I never got it.

Almost every fight we had in the next 20 years seem to end with her yelling "and you made me sell my motorcycle, you SOB!"

And she was right.

Just think how stupid I felt when "we" (actually, my big revelation) decided in Milan that those cool little scooters zipping around us would be a neat addition to OUR lives back at home. I got so excited about the idea, I never noticed her rolling her eyes. She stayed quiet as I dolled out the money for our first 150 and said nothing when I added a GTS 250 and soon after traded the 150 for the GTV.

Honestly, I didn't feel all that dumb until after the dust settled and we'd had the bikes for some time and she decided to remind me during dinner how petty I had been 20 years earlier making her sell her motorcycle to hook up with a dolt like me.

It was a long ride home for me on that scoot that night.

There are a ton of great suggestions here for you. Your guy should get over it and no matter what, life will go on. I would, if I were you, apologize to him for not involving him in the decision to spend that kind of money, but let him read some of these comments and hopefully, he'll see that being married to you doesn't mean he can dictate how you chose to live your life.

Good luck. Ride safe and hopefully, he'll come around like me. I just hope it doesn't take him 20 years.

^^^this^^^
(I wasnt going to chime in on this subject, but this post hits the nail squarely on the head)

The true definition of Love........"Love, is doing somebody else's thing". I am so glad my wife understands this meaning. You'll make the right choice.

I think maybe your hubby is scared of losing you. But then, if you hadn't got it, he might've lost you anyway. If not over a motorscooter, maybe over something else. You might've thought, this guy is very controlling. If it isn't one thing it's another with him.

This might be a good time to ask some questions of him and ascertain whether it's really the bike or a deeper issue. It sounds to me like you guys have some matters to discuss.

best of luck to you

Harv

Are you married to Jeremy Clarkson?

I'd like to point out that there are a whole bunch of us nattering away on the internet, and we're not (apparently) dead yet. So clearly, the notion that you will die instantly is just a wee bit overstated.

"A motorcycle is much cheaper to run than a car. It takes only half a litre of fuel to get from your house to the scene of your first fatal accident. So the lifetime cost of running your new bike is just 50p."

According to Jeremy we get to have more than one fatal accident.

Harv

but on a coooossssssssmic scale, we are. or something.

as always, Wondermachine says stuff better than I can. Awesome.

Very interesting thread so far. But as long as you purchased the scooter with your oen money and not joint savings its kinda okay. You should have really workked harder to get your husband involved in your scooter purchase.. but the deed is done and now you both have to deal with that. That being said , take the coourse, buy the gear and ride safe and he should stop being angry and accept your new hobby. But if anyone told me NOT to ride, I woulnt even llet it give me pause.. Stick with your conviction otherwise you will always bend when challlenged.

Aloha and welcome to the forum from Hawaii. Beautiful scooter. As other have said take the MC course,read proficient motorcycling and get the gear. All anyone can do is mitigate the manages when riding/driving anything. Personally i think bicycles are just as dangerous. My take on his reaction is that theirs some back history with his riding. See if you can find it out. I suspect that's the reason for his response. Just find a place where you can practice turns etc. Mark a course in an underused parking lot. Once you feel comfortable then hit some slow speed streets (neighborhoods). I wouldn't apologize if it were me but WonderMachine did a great response. Don't let him spoil your fun. Have fun and keep us posted on what happens. Were always here if you have any questions.

Not enough information to say one way or another. But deep down, your husband's attitude makes me cringe.

But I am now 51. I was married for 16 years, and have now been divorced for 9. Though a big part of me still loves my ex, very much so.... a BIG part of the issues in our marriage that led to its demise was that he was a control freak. About almost everything, big or small. Because I grew up with a very controlling mother, and because my father died when I was only 22, I was used to that kind of attitude. I was terrified to speak up, to have an opinion, to be me. I brought that into my marriage and since I was used to it, that is what I got. Except that I was not very happy. I had dreams and desires as well. I could not even listen to the music that I loved without causing some kind of fight. I don't mean blasting whatever at full volume. I mean, when he came home. it was what he wanted to watch on TV, or listen to. We saw the movies that HE wanted to see, on vacation we went were he wanted to go, and we listened to more of HIS music on the long drives to our destination. He made snide remarks about everything. All the things that meant something to me, that I had loved were shoved to the far recesses. He bought what he wanted to, when he wanted to, even when it came to groceries. When he bought a new car, it was the car he wanted. When I got a car it was the car that HE wanted me to have. He threw a fit when I spent my own money for Roller Blades, and did the same when I bought a bicycle. He worked full time. I worked full time. I got my masters degree (AND paid for it myself, WHILE I was working full time, AND cleaning the house, doing the laundry, doing the lawn, and making his dinner from scratch every night, even though he worked 15 miles from where he lived and got home an hour before me because I worked 80 miles from where we lived), he had his.

But for all of that, I do not blame him for 100% of the failure of our marriage. I blame him for 50%. Because early in, I was so grateful that someone cared for me, I let him walk all over me. I thought that is what people do. I gave him the length of rope, I cannot blame him for using it. I behaved a certain way, and eventually, he acted on it. Eventually it cause a lot of emotional and health issues for me, and I got counseling. I found myself, and I found my voice. My husband went into shock. to him, I was no longer the "sweet" person I was when he married me. Actually, I was, but I was no longer passive. I wanted him to get counseling too.... he felt that it was my issue. We grew apart, and I left. He THEN wanted to get counseling. I lost my patience, and we got divorced. The sad part is that I now realize the he did want to change to improve things. We may have been able to work things out. We both paid for the messed up way that I was raised. I had 25 years of never being allowed a voice of any kind, and I brought that to our marriage. 16 more years of that.... I felt life was too short. However, had I dealt with, and had WE dealt with those issues early on, we might well be happily married now. Or not. I will never know. I sure as hell know what regret is though.

DON'T MAKE THOSE MISTAKES. To me, it sounds like your relationship needs some work, probably on both sides. It is easy for me to be tempted to side with you, but I know too many women who back-bite their husbands and try to get other people involved to get their way. Your first post sort of smacks of that. I could be completely wrong. Maybe your husband is a full-blown control freak. But if so, then you knew full well what his reaction would be when you purchased the scooter. If he IS a full-blown control freak, then put on your big girl pants, learn to ride safely, and enjoy yourself.... and let him get over it. If he had legitimate concerns that you didn't tell us about, then you are throwing your husband under the bus. That is not cool either. But really, you two need to be discussing all of that between yourselves, perhaps with the guidance of a counselor, instead of here.

Not sure if its been mentioned - skimmed through most of the posts.

Take the safety course with him. Gets him involved and he can get use to seeing you on a bike.

When my wife took the course I took it with her even though I had been riding for years. I think she was more confident because I was there - but I also made sure not to tell her what to do. I was just along for the ride.

Just had to click the 'Just Walk Away' button........................... twice. And I know technically I didn't really walk away but I did my best

So....how much you want for the scooter?
Just askin', been thinking about going smaller and, uh, well since, uh, you know, maybe this's the right time to sell the damn thing?

LL75

Caveat: As has already been said seeking marriage counseling on a scooter forum may not be the best choice. If you really, really don't understand your husband's reaction to your decision to buy that's one thing, but for most of us we need only place the shoe on the other foot and see how well it fits. I'm sure your husband has his own version of what went down and I'd bet the ranch it's a bit different than your's. That's how disagreements tend to be, each party sees things from the "me" position and is blinded to the other person's view.

Rather than offer an apology [always an option] maybe you could try to open a dialog with him to find out what his real underlying reasons are. If his heels are dug in and your riding a scooter is a deal-breaker for your marriage it's probably already in trouble. But maybe not, maybe he's head-over-heels in love with you and is scared he might lose you to the front end of a Buick.

Furthermore by engaging us [MV members] for advice you're obviously seeking support from a group almost guaranteed to support your position. If you were to [as some suggest] show him those comments it would smack of ganging up on him and the result would probably not be positive.

I wish I could offer some sage advice that would magically solve this dilemma for you but I don't. So rather than offering all sorts of "try this" and "try that" I would refer you to my opening remarks. [See above, first few lines.]

Make a big deal about agreeing with him about the dangers of riding a motorcycle. Then explain that's why you bought a"moped"

ask him to take the MSF class as a couple and say sorry for making such a large purchase without consulting him..


ps i did the same thing as you 9 years ago..

You've had a lot of good advice so far, take a Motorcycle Safety Course, wear protective gear always and read "Proficient Motorcycling" by David Hough. If your husband sees that you are serious about your new obsession, he'll realize you are doing all you can to be a serious and safe rider.

If there is a scooter rental near you, why don't you ask him to rent a scooter and ride together and he can give you some pointers. Men like to feel that they are useful and who knows, you may wind up with a riding partner.

...and grats on your new ride and welcome to Modern Vespa.

Sorry.

Without inserting myself into your married life, let me share a chapter from my own.

For many years my wife was dead set against me getting a scooter or motorcycle. I tried talking to her a few times about it but she was completely unreceptive. I finally told her that I was getting one, and explained how I planned on mitigating as many of the safety issues as possible (safety course, gear, etc.). She still isn't entirely happy with me riding, but she was forced to realize this wasn't a deal breaker.

Couples have to navigate a lot of compromises, and some things are, in fact deal breakers. Without knowing you or the dynamics of your relationship with your husband, I can only suggest that you figure out if this is a deal breaker for him (I.e. 'me or the scooter). If not, do as others suggest and make him aware that some of his fears and statements are irrational and incorrect (however well intented) and he needs to know that safety is at least as important to you as to him.

Good luck.

Oh, welccome from Israel!

I am "trained in marriage counseling" and I wouldn't attempt to give marriage advice here or based on so little information. Just a general suggestion that seeing a professional (and it's important to find one you feel confident and comfortable with) is not a bad idea - if you want to.

Now, as a complete amateur scooterist, I feel free to offer all kinds of advice.

I have been riding in Los Angeles for six years. I had one minor crash the second day of riding. It was totally my fault, the damage was minor (though my wife did get the "honey, I'm OK" call from the local ER ) and it shook me up quite a bit. So I got smart one day too late, and bought Proficient Motorcycling to read while my sprained ankle healed, got some proper safety gear, and then did a lot of practice on empty streets in the neighborhood. I had already taken the Basic Rider course before buying the scooter.

I have survived one 30+ MPH crash (totally not my fault, though I am a better rider as a result of carefully reviewing it in my mind) and enjoy riding very much. Wearing all the gear (and I mean all the gear) definitely contributed to my survival. My wife (whose idea it was for me to get a motorcycle in the first place) is not too keen on my riding, but would never forbid me to do it. We've been married for 39 years.

Riding is inherently dangerous. Some of us have crashed, most of us haven't. As others have said, some of the most important things you can do to mitigate the risks are to wear protective gear and to educate yourself in good riding techniques. There will be no shortage of people who want to tell you that you're doing something dangerous and quite possibly deadly. You can shrug off and ignore most of them but you can't very well blow off your husband. You'll need to have ongoing conversations with him about everything you're doing to make yourself the best rider you can be. Welcome to MV and the great world of scooters. Hopefully with some time, who knows, your husband may even join you.

Welcome to MV.

Nice choice in scoots, and congrats.

It sounds like your husband is mostly angry out of worry and concern. So at least you've got that going for you--he isn't just pissed because it's a money issue or he thinks it's stupid. And it's always nice to have someone who cares that much about your safety and well-being.

It also sounds like he may have had some bad riding experiences himself. But he's absolutely wrong in thinking every motorbike accident is fatal, and every motorcyclist will die in an accident. That's just going to extremes. I've been riding for 12 years and had a handful of tumbles myself, and I'm still here (and I've never even owned a car). And there's folks out there who have been riding for decades and never had any kind of mishap at all (likely not very many, but they are out there).

My fiance (roommate at the time) was the one who first suggested I get a scooter 12 years ago. He had no idea how much it would end up changing my life, and how much I would come to love riding scooters. As stated above, I have had a few accidents, though only one was serious enough for any real medical attention. Since that accident, he became much more worrisome of my riding. However, he also sees how much I love it, how miserable I am when I can't ride (for whatever reason), and how much it's become a big part of my life and who I am. Though he's an engineer and doesn't consider a scooter practical at this stage in our lives, he still co-signed for my current scooter because he loves me and knows how much it means to me (and in turn, I do small gas-saving "go-fer" runs, and tolerate him being an engineer). I help ease his fears by keeping in touch when I'm doing anything outside of town, making sure I have decent safety gear, keeping my riding skills refreshed, and making safety/visbility enhancements to the scoot or my gear.

It would obviously be a good idea to sit down and have a chat with the Mister. I won't pretend to know the perfect thing to say. But I can make some suggestions. Don't try and change his thoughts about it--the more you try and change someone who feels strongly about something, the more of a brick wall you're going to get. One angle that might help would be to just explain your side of things, how you feel, and what it all means to you. You won't be trying to change his mind. You'll just be trying to get him to see what you see. Downplaying the dangers usually falls on deaf ears, too. Instead, up-play all the safety precautions you ARE taking, and how thankful you are that he's so concerned about you. All positive stuff.

Best of luck. I'll cross my fingers for a happy outcome for you, whatever it turns out to be.

Personally I think bicycles are more dangers. As much as cars crowd scooter/motorcycles they rarely actually try to share a lane with one. I will let my kids ride a scooter to the high school but not a bicycle because there is no bicycle lane and the roads are so narrow that the distance between a SUV or pick-up truck and the curb isn't any wider than their mirrors.

I'm not going to give advise to anyone I don't know about their marriage based on a very short post. Generally a purchase the size of a new scooter should be discussed due to its impact on the budget so says the person who bought a Scarabeo 500 on ebay without consulting her husband. However it wasn't our first scooter nor was it a strain on our finances so he got over it. (Besides when I bid on it I hadn't expected to actually win the scooter for what I bid.)

I will say that if you are going to ride take the MSF, wear the gear and ride safely. Let him know you understand his concerns and don't take them lightly so you will do what you can to minimize the risk. Life if not risk free and trying to remove all risk from your life isn't living.

I wonder if her husband is a Sag...

Forty years? Well done, Sir. What's the stone for a forty year marraige? Kidney stone? -Dan

Mutt, thanks for sharing your story and for the perspective you shared about your experiences. Very helpful! Many, many thanks!

Thank you Jess for the "Just Walk Away" button.

boeffect.

Just tell the dude to get on the back and....

Sit down
Shut up
And hold on

Sounds to me that as a previous rider maybe something scary happened and he has condemned all riding rather than face his fear and sort through it? Maybe worth looking into. Maybe. Good luck.