Modern Vespa

What's the best scooter joke you have heard??? We have a rep that runs a Harley club in (I think) Nottingham. Its for posh boys... If you have seen Wild Hogs. its that sort of thing..

Anyhoo this is the joke...

Why do men ride scooters? Co's they like the feeling of fresh air on their f***y's!!

Then this little gem I got a while back

What have a scooter & a fat girl got in common???
Their great fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to find out!!!



PS for our friends across the pond, a f***y in the UK is a lady's front bottom...



Please nobody take offence to these jokes. They are only jokes after all

I don't know any scooter jokes at all....

But I do know plenty of non-scooter related poor quality jokes

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and my scooter?

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My scooter can make it to 30.

Damn Badger....

Why do women ride scooters? Co's they like the feeling of a thick thing between her legs

A business man finally gets his big promotion to CEO of his firm and to celebrate he goes out and buys a 2014 Audi R8. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a scooter pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"

The newly minted CEO says "It's a 2014 Audi R8, it cost $180,00.00. "That's a lot of money" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car has a V10 engine, 500 horsepower and can do 195 miles an hour!" states the man proudly.

The scooter driver asks, "Can I take a look inside? "Sure," replies the owner. So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his scooter, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
Just then, the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 4 seconds the speedometer reads 60 MPH. In just a few seconds more he's doing well over 100. he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, something whips by him, going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my R8?" the man asks himself.

Just then ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. It goes by again, heading the opposite direction and, it almost looked like the old man on a scooter! "Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a scooter outrun an R8?" Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror and then "Crash!" It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The man jumps out a sees that it is the old man. Of course, the scooter is destroyed and the old man is a mess. He runs up to the dying old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man groans and replies "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"

Ouch!! At least I can say, at 30, I won't make it into the 27 club.

The best automotive joke I can remember is one told to me by my slightly crazy driving instructor, 13 years ago:

A man walks into a car showroom, looking for a car. The cars are brand new, full of tech but he just can't afford the £25k they cost. He's shown into the second hand section, but can't afford them either, even the beat up runner out the back door. Exasperated, the salesman asks just how much he can spend, and the buyer sheepishly tells him that he only has £50.

The salesman thinks for a while and says: "Well, there are some leftovers from a project that we had last year that might fit the bill. I'll warn you now that they are not standard cars". He walks him way back behind all the servicing areas to a shed, and opens it to reveal a massive, GM chicken, with a saddle on the back and a radio strapped to it's neck.

He doesn't want to leave empty handed, so he hands over the £50 and is off. Apart from a few squarks, it moves around town fine, so he decides to forget the bus trip home, and goes onto the motorway. The chicken just goes faster and faster on the slip-road, until it's keeping up with the other traffic. Wind in his face, screaming along, it's just fantastic. Then, without warning, he hits a pothole and gets bumped off, bouncing along the tarmac. Amazingly, he is only slightly bruised. The chicken is nowhere to be seen.

Mad that his £50 has disappeared down the road, he calls the dealership and they send out a recovery truck, as they didn't quite understand what had happened. When it arrives, all he can say is:

"My big hen's gone."

David.


P.S. And if you didn't like that, I leave you with this gem from Tim Vine:

Crime in multi-storey car parks: Now that's wrong on so many levels...

The Honda Express. That was quite funny.

Birreh !

Scooter. .....I don't even know her.

Not exactly a joke, but . . . When I told my parents that I was getting a motor scooter, my slightly hard of hearing, and not-PTW knowledgable father said, "Are you getting a hog?!" I said "no, I said motor scooter, not motorcycle". He asked what's the difference, and I said "if a motorcycle is a hog, this is a piglet" (I got an LX150). No offense to either Harley's or Vespas intended, but my father got a good laugh, and my parents now call my scooter the piglet.

This little piglet went to market,
This little piglet stayed at home,
This little piglet had premium unleaded,
This little piglet had none.
And little piglet's rider went...
"vroom vroom vroom" all the way home...

I called my old LX 50 "Piglet" so when I joined MV I took it as my user name. Glad to hear there is another Piglet in Northern Virginia!

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse screamed for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for the farmer had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there is a moral!) "When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks"

A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I fart, it sounds like, "Honda."
The doctor says, "You say, 'Honda?'"
"No," the guy says. "My farts do."
So, the doctor says, "OK, open your mouth," and looks inside.
After about two minutes, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, I can't help you, you need to go see a dentist."
The guy says, "Why a dentist?"
The doctor says, "Because you have an absessed tooth."
The guy says, "What the hell does that have to do with my condition?"
The doctor says, "Well, didn't you know? Absess makes the farts go Honda!"

stolen ..... i cant draw .........

A harley truck get stuck in a low-ceiling tunnel. Is only matter of half-inch, but the truck don't fit inside...

A vespa rider stops to see the problem, and told the trucker:

"Hey, if you drop the pressure of all your tires, you would probably fit and solve the issue".

The trucker thinks about it...

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Finally says:
"The problem is on the ceiling, not on the ground !"