OP
@terryvanman avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
Honda SH 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1146
Location: MALTA
 
Molto Verboso
@terryvanman avatar
Honda SH 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1146
Location: MALTA
UTC quote
A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 shot clip, and yelled, "Who in here has been screwing my wife?"



A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You need more ammo."
OP
@terryvanman avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
Honda SH 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1146
Location: MALTA
 
Molto Verboso
@terryvanman avatar
Honda SH 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1146
Location: MALTA
UTC quote
A man and his wife moved back home to Wisconsin from Arizona .
The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Arizona was
$2,000.00 a year!!!

When they arrived in Wisconsin , they went to Sven's Insurance
agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.
Sven looked it up on his computer and said to the couple, "$39.00."

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap in
Wisconsin to insure, because it cost him $2,000.00 in Arizona !!!

Sven turned his computer screen to the couple and said, "Well,
here is it on the screen, direct from Ole's Wisconsin Fire Insurance
Company , it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler
system over it, is $39.00".

I always did find Wisconsin logic far superior to most others.
OP
@terryvanman avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
Honda SH 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1146
Location: MALTA
 
Molto Verboso
@terryvanman avatar
Honda SH 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1146
Location: MALTA
UTC quote
WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK...
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
Two litres of low-fat milk
A carton of eggs
A litre of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 200gram jar of coffee
A 1 kg. Package of bacon
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the
cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk
calmly stated, "You must be single."
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I
looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my
marital status..
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said , "Yes you are correct .
But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Because you're ugly."
@treppenwitz avatar
UTC

saggezza di scala
2009 'Burma Shave' Red GTS 250ie
Joined: UTC
Posts: 7060
Location: Israel
 
saggezza di scala
@treppenwitz avatar
2009 'Burma Shave' Red GTS 250ie
Joined: UTC
Posts: 7060
Location: Israel
UTC quote
Nearly peed myself watching this:

@dannyh avatar
UTC

Resident Gentleman
--------2008 LX150-------- Sold
Joined: UTC
Posts: 5045
Location: Brady, TX
 
Resident Gentleman
@dannyh avatar
--------2008 LX150-------- Sold
Joined: UTC
Posts: 5045
Location: Brady, TX
UTC quote
Treppenwitz wrote:
Nearly peed myself watching this:

That brought tears to my eyes Laughing emoticon ROFL emoticon
OP
@terryvanman avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
Honda SH 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1146
Location: MALTA
 
Molto Verboso
@terryvanman avatar
Honda SH 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1146
Location: MALTA
UTC quote
Took my youngest grandson out for his first pint today.
Got him a Fosters.....he didn't like it - I had it.
Then I got him Carlsberg, he didn't like it, I had it.
It was the same with Bitter, Guinness and Cider.
By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push the bloody pram.
UTC

 
UTC
This post was not quite
What we were hoping to see
Try again, perhaps?
OP
@terryvanman avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
Honda SH 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1146
Location: MALTA
 
Molto Verboso
@terryvanman avatar
Honda SH 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1146
Location: MALTA
UTC quote
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.

The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.

Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"



Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?


This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught
UTC

 
UTC
This post was not quite
What we were hoping to see
Try again, perhaps?
@dcfies avatar
UTC

Enthusiast
2009 MP3 500, Black - Ventulus
Joined: UTC
Posts: 89
Location: Bulverde, Texas
 
Enthusiast
@dcfies avatar
2009 MP3 500, Black - Ventulus
Joined: UTC
Posts: 89
Location: Bulverde, Texas
UTC quote
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, Looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little shite, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, And a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of Beauty it was, but useless in a fight"
@ashbrook avatar
UTC

Ossessionato
Vespa GTS Kymco AK550
Joined: UTC
Posts: 3199
Location: London UK
 
Ossessionato
@ashbrook avatar
Vespa GTS Kymco AK550
Joined: UTC
Posts: 3199
Location: London UK
UTC quote
Can I please be told why my last post here was deleted? If I have offended anyone or done wrong I apologise. I also need to know which guidelines I have crossed so I don't repeat the transgression.
Ashbrook
@aviator47 avatar
UTC

Moderator
2006 PX 150 & Malossi Kitted Malaguti Yesterday (Wife's)
Joined: UTC
Posts: 12955
Location: Paros Island, Greece
 
Moderator
@aviator47 avatar
2006 PX 150 & Malossi Kitted Malaguti Yesterday (Wife's)
Joined: UTC
Posts: 12955
Location: Paros Island, Greece
UTC quote
To all-

Sadly, things in this thread are walking on a tight rope in regard to racial, religious and/or political sensitivities. More than one member has been offended. That ain't what the forum is here for.

Think before you post.

AND - trying to discuss or ask specifics will only exacerbate things. From my view, the thread is about one ill-advised post away from being binned. So if you can't find humor that is totally within the guidelines, go read a book. We don't need a thread that becomes a collecting pot of borderline humor.
@treppenwitz avatar
UTC

saggezza di scala
2009 'Burma Shave' Red GTS 250ie
Joined: UTC
Posts: 7060
Location: Israel
 
saggezza di scala
@treppenwitz avatar
2009 'Burma Shave' Red GTS 250ie
Joined: UTC
Posts: 7060
Location: Israel
UTC quote
ashbrook wrote:
Can I please be told why my last post here was deleted? If I have offended anyone or done wrong I apologise. I also need to know which guidelines I have crossed so I don't repeat the transgression.
Ashbrook
Your taste for alsatians is well known. Watch your step...we've got our eye on you!


Too soon?

In all seriousness. My guess is that either the mod who deleted it didn't read your post closely, or has never had the pleasure of meeting you in person. I'm guessing the latter.
@ashbrook avatar
UTC

Ossessionato
Vespa GTS Kymco AK550
Joined: UTC
Posts: 3199
Location: London UK
 
Ossessionato
@ashbrook avatar
Vespa GTS Kymco AK550
Joined: UTC
Posts: 3199
Location: London UK
UTC quote
Aviator47 wrote:
To all-

Sadly, things in this thread are walking on a tight rope in regard to racial, religious and/or political sensitivities. More than one member has been offended. That ain't what the forum is here for.

Think before you post.

AND - trying to discuss or ask specifics will only exacerbate things. From my view, the thread is about one ill-advised post away from being binned. So if you can't find humor that is totally within the guidelines, go read a book. We don't need a thread that becomes a collecting pot of borderline humor.
I am not going to start a verbal fight with anyone and I have a healthy respect for this forum, its members and the moderators that keep things civil. I do not want to be the subject of censorship and I do not want to censor others. I respectfully question why either post had to go and why mine was deemed to most inappropriate. Actually that was rhetorical because I already know the reason for that. I am truly baffled.
@jimc avatar
UTC

Moderaptor
The Hornet (GT200, aka Love Bug) and 'Dimples' - a GTS 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 43890
Location: Pleasant Hill, CA
 
Moderaptor
@jimc avatar
The Hornet (GT200, aka Love Bug) and 'Dimples' - a GTS 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 43890
Location: Pleasant Hill, CA
UTC quote
It can often appear 'odd' because only one action at a time can be taken by a moderator. It can then get even more confusing when two or more moderators are working on the same 'problem'.

And with that this topic gets locked.
DoubleGood Design banner

Modern Vespa is the premier site for modern Vespa and Piaggio scooters. Vespa GTS300, GTS250, GTV, GT200, LX150, LXS, ET4, ET2, MP3, Fuoco, Elettrica and more.

Buy Me A Coffee
 

Shop on Amazon with Modern Vespa

Modern Vespa is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com


All Content Copyright 2005-2024 by Modern Vespa.
All Rights Reserved.


[ Time: 0.0282s ][ Queries: 3 (0.0169s) ][ live ][ 313 ][ ThingOne ]