Modern Vespa

On this auspicious occasion of my 666th post , the Devil is forcing me to share these thoughts on HELL and EVIL as they relate to scootering.

HELL is:
- seeing my scooter in the rear view mirror as I drive off in the cage
- having a full shopping cart at ScootersWest...and not having the cash to actually buy anything
- realizing that the one year Scooter Cannonball is actually feasible for me... is also the year my GTS300 is not allowed
- getting cornered by a well-meaning relative at last night's holiday dinner and getting to hear their concerns and incredulity that I ride a scooter. Didn't I know they were dangerous? Don't I worry about the effects on my family? Blah, blah, STFU!
- snowy, icy roads keeping me from riding on otherwise picture perfect days
- trolls baiting us on MV threads
- selling anything on Craigslist

EVIL is:
- the lady in an old Valiant who intentionally tried to kill me on my ride in yesterday, the whole while never once taking her eyes off her cellphone
- the pothole(s) that only materialize when you are least prepared - at dawn/dusk, under leaves, in the crux of a turn, when you have a loose grip on the bars
- the toe-rags who jimmied open my EMPTY top case and then left their empty beer cans and blunt butts
- the douchebag who stopped unexpectedly in the middle of the road on the Fremont drawbridge, causing me to go sideways and nearly drop my Vespa on the metal grate surface. Apparently, the little out of towner thought it made a great place for a photo-op...

Now here's a little "holiday" song that the Devil wanted me to share with you all (sung to the tune of The 12 Days of Christmas):

The 12 Days of Hell

One the first day of Hell, the Devil gave to me
A texting douche bag in an SUV

On the second day of Hell, the Devil gave to me
two shitty Sava tires
and a texting douche bag in an SUV

On the third day of Hell, the Devil gave to me
three faulty gauges
two shitty Sava tires
and a texting douche bag in an SUV

On the fourth day of Hell, the Devil gave to me
four blown fuses
three faulty gauges
two shitty Sava tires
and a texting douche bag in an SUV

On the fifth day of Hell, the Devil gave to me
five gaping potholes
four blown fuses
three faulty gauges
two shitty Sava tires
and a texting douche bag in an SUV

On the sixth day of Hell, the Devil gave to me
six blown-exhaust-gaskets
five gaping potholes
four blown fuses
three faulty gauges
two shitty Sava tires
and a texting douche bag in an SUV

On the seventh day of Hell, the Devil gave to me
seven high-side-offs
six blown-exhaust-gaskets
five gaping potholes
four blown fuses
three faulty gauges
two shitty Sava tires
and a texting douche bag in an SUV

On the eighth day of Hell, the Devil gave to me
eight trolls-a-posting
seven high-side-offs
six blown-exhaust-gaskets
five gaping potholes
four blown fuses
three faulty gauges
two shitty Sava tires
and a texting douche bag in an SUV

On the ninth day of Hell, the Devil gave to me
nine points for speeding
eight trolls-a-posting
seven high-side-offs
six blown-exhaust-gaskets
five gaping potholes
four blown fuses
three faulty gauges
two shitty Sava tires
and a texting douche bag in an SUV

On the tenth day of Hell, the Devil gave to me
ten thieving-toe-rags
nine points for speeding
eight trolls-a-posting
seven high-side-offs
six blown-exhaust-gaskets
five gaping potholes
four blown fuses
three faulty gauges
two shitty Sava tires
and a texting douche bag in an SUV

On the eleventh day of Hell, the Devil gave to me
eleven miles-o-traffic
ten thieving-toe-rags
nine points for speeding
eight trolls-a-posting
seven high-side-offs
six blown-exhaust-gaskets
five gaping potholes
four blown fuses
three faulty gauges
two shitty Sava tires
and a texting douche bag in an SUV

On the twelfth day of Hell, the Devil gave to me
twelve "nice moped" comments
eleven miles-o-traffic
ten thieving-toe-rags
nine points for speeding
eight trolls-a-posting
seven high-side-offs
six blown-exhaust-gaskets
five gaping potholes
four blown fuses
three faulty gauges
two shitty Sava tires
and a texting douche bag in an SUV

Sorry, but the Devil made me do it!

Haha! This one got me...

Are you sure it was only 5 gaping potholes? I've driven on Seattle streets and they are TERRIBLE. I think I'm spoiled by the relatively pothole free streets in Snohomish County.

I captured a screenshot for you, davidcha, so that you can resume posting, and still remember this low point in your life.

This gets my vote for post of the year.

davidcha

You'll never be able to post a new message again, if you want to keep your post count as it is -- 666 (The Number of the Beast). Or you may have to delete your old posts.

Like Dorothy clicking her ruby slippers together to get back home to Kansas...
I realized that the only way out of Hell and the Devil's clutches was as easy as posting on MV!

He wasn't happy to see me go...and his final words to me were "You'll be back!"

Thanks for the screen capture, sharpcolorado! That will be my new screensaver!