Modern Vespa

A wizard walked into a gay bar and disappeared with a poof

How long is a Chinese name

Justin Bieber.

Escalators don't break down... they just turn into stairs.

What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's back? - Woooohhoooooo!

A horse walked into a bar. The bartender said 'Why the long face?'

Two peanuts walked into a bar and one was assaulted.

A Scottish horse walks into a bar, bartender asks, "Wanna Beer?", horse says, "Neigh"

so this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere...

Chips

chip

What do you call a bloke with a pair of testicles resting on his top lip..?

What do you call a man with a condom on his face...?

I intend to live forever... or die trying.

What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?

A poem/joke courtesy of Ogden Nash:

Fleas

Adam had 'em

What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business

The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa

Fundamental thoughts of a flea - Is there a dog?

2 nuns in the bath -

1st nun - 'where's the soap?'

2nd nun - 'f***ing does doesnt it!'

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks "How do you drive this thing?"

Q: How do you kill a circus clown?
A: Go for the juggler

I dreamed I was talking to God, when He sneezed.

I didn't know what to say.

Why do squirrels swim on their back? To keep their nuts dry.

A Pirate walked into a bar, with a ship's steering wheel shoved halfway down the front of his pants...

Barkeep asks, " Pirate, Why that ship's steering wheel shoved into yo pants?"

Pirate says, " ARRRRRRR.... It's drivin' me nuts!"

I'm moving to Seoul...I heard it'd be good for my Korea.

Pretentious..?

Moi..?

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One turns to the other and says "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."

This gets my vote! Hilarious!

When it comes to messing up simple sayings...been there, done that, got the tea bag.

I've got 12 inches but I don't use it as a rule.

I had a wet dream about you last night.

Really? What was it about?

You got hit by a bus and I pissed myself laughing.

Then there's the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac...

Poor guy lies awake every night wondering if there really is a dog.

termite walks into a bar and asks: where's the bar tender?


i'll see my self out.

-g

Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you just had sex with is: 
A) The best part of the experience 
B) The second best part of the experience 
C) $100 extra 

Ducking and running...

R

What do you call a steer that swallowed a hand grenade?

Abominable.


What do you call the same steer 10 seconds later?

Noble.

why do hippies drink herbal tea .... cos property is theft