Modern Vespa

I've been traveling for work this week which means I spend my meals eating alone. It gives me an opportunity to look around and do some people watching. Since I'm eating alone, I've been eating in the "bar area" of restaurants as it is a more comfortable environment for me when I'm by myself.

Now, I'm 52 years old and have been happily married for a long time. But I remember the days when I would sit in a bar and look for opportunities to strike up a conversation with a young lady. What I noticed is that everyone who is alone now days seems to be immersed in their own digital world. They have ear buds in their ears and are occupied with their smart phones virtually 100% of the time. If I was a young guy trying to strike up a conversation with a woman, how could I do that? It's like there is a digital wall that is up and blocking any other human interaction. Maybe the guys have techniques they use that my old-man brain hasn't developed... "I couldn't help but notice you have the new Samsung blah-blah-blah smart phone. It looks great on you!" Seriously... it's a tough world out there. Nobody even smiles and says "good morning" when they pass in the halls anymore because most have their eyes/ears/fingers buried in their smart phone.

I'm just glad I'm not in the "single" crowd these days.

-Craig

{old man rant over}

Werd online dating. Their probably talking to their date. I suspect someday virtual sex will replace the real deal.

I wonder if the young people have apps for that

It does seem like the degree to which people retreat into their own world has increased of late. I work on a campus where I see people literally colliding with each other as they text.

Hell... I'm 57, and...

"I's young and single, and loves to mingle..."

Friends with Benefits is Awesome.

I'm 52 too. I often have this conversation with my wife.

But also, like you, I hit the lottery when I somehow convinced my wife to marry me.

Even without the digital wall you so accurately described, I can't imagine rolling the dice again! When you win big, only an idiot thinks about staying at the table.

Same here. Been married for 18 years, I still can't figure out what she sees in me!

My wife and I had a date night and we went to a local restaurant and next to us was a young couple and the guy was on his phone the entire time we were eating. She was rolling her eyes and looking around uncomfortably.

The digital age might be great for some, but not for me.

Oh... don't even get me started on that. I have walked away from co-workers mid conversation when they pull out their smart phones and start tap-tap-tapping on them. If you come ask me a questions you better listen to the answer, or I'm moving on.

My wife has a friend that we used to have dinner with on occasion. I won't go to dinner with her anymore because she has her phone out the entire time texting or checking facebook. That really gets under my skin!

-Craig

EDIT: OH... and yes Trepp... JACKPOT! I'll keep my winnings

Since we are on the topic of Techology Anti-human Interactional Behavior. (pretty cold label, if you ask me). Has anyone also noticed, the rudeness that also goes with this new communication style. Even if they talk to you, it is not with kindness, warmth or friendliness. Its like they are irritated because they got interrupted from their technology junkie fix.

I have seen 6 year olds with technology strapped to them like a cybe babysitter. Crazy..

Glad I don't have to be young again, it was a challenge the first time around, even without the technology. No wonder places like Match.Com are making tons of money matching people together.

So, liking my own time.

Meeting people is the worst. Honestly.

Any time I am taken out of rotation for such things, I appreciate it that much more as it means I'm no longer considering the whole "how do I strike up a conversation" bit anymore.

What's more interesting to me is that a base level of friendliness seems to have gone away. I tend to be relatively friendly with strangers. I smile and say hello. I offer assistance if it looks needed. But I find that most women take this as being hit on.

Damned if you do... Damned if you don't.

My wife and I have been together 18 years as well... what was in the air back then?

As far as cell use-- I'm kinda in the gap here.
If you are using it to add something (google search, movie times, funny/cool picture) cool, whip it out.

If you decide to keep texting/FBing... well I'll go spend my time with someone who enjoys my company.

When Genie and I go out for coffee or food I'll flirt with whoever is serving us whatever their gender and age.

I just like keeping my toe in.

Bill xxx

They absolutely do. Tinder or Grinder depending on your preferences.

I know a few people who have used those. Never ends well. No surprised there though as those are, as I understand, hook-up apps.

Yep, they are. There's plenty of others for more long lasting relationships though.

Totes.

I know one person who is in a relationship of sorts with a guy she met on Tindr (or which ever is the straight one). Dude is so sketch it hurts. Emotionally abusive and weird. Within a month he was trying to move in with his 7 year old. Ugh.

They broke up and now they're back together again. Her mom is legit concerned.

Poopy situation. Makes me sad. Oh well. We all make our own decisions.

It just seems like plain old "conversation" is becoming a thing of the past. It used to be you could strike up a conversation with a stranger and just have some good social interaction or to help keep sharp as Bill Dog pointed out. But it's hard to accomplish that when people are involved with their smart phone. You don't know if they are actively doing business and shouldn't be interrupted or if they are just filling time. Either way it feels rude to "interrupt" them. I just think it's a rather odd (and sad) progression of human interaction.

-Craig

I rekn it's all part of Natures plan, Darwinism at work.
With 7 billion people in the world, maybe reducing "interaction" is part of the fix!

I'm an introvert so I never make conversation with strangers anyway. No biggie for me. I generally find my girlfriends online: twitter, OKCupid, ModernVespa (hey ladies . ). I think the last time I talked to a random female spontaneously in person I was in middle school.

?...I've been married over 40+ years and I don't have a clue as to what you guys are talking about. Oh well, back to my library book.

I'm the one of the front men for an automotive repair business and I have to be so engaging with all of our customers all of the time, even when I don't feel like it so face your fears and talk to stranger.

I have to.

Bill xxx

Same with my profession. I must talk to everyone, both within a company and externally (its customers). I'm terribly shy so this is tough but if ya gotta, ya gotta.

That said, it's much different talking to someone to get to know them (and possibly date them) than to deal with their customer needs. At least, so I've found.

Take a shy person and make them put themselves out there in front of rejection, and ugh. Pass.

It is a good thread, this one.

My wife (29 years married next month) and I eat out a lot lately because she started selling real estate last year and has showings and meetings into the early evenings. While out, we notice tables of four or six young people, all tapping on their phones, none talking or even looking at each other. Why are they even out together, when they have such a strong attraction to their technology? They could do what they are doing at home.

Of course, sometimes they will put the phones away and start talking, often quite loudly, at which time I start wishing that they would all pull their phones back out.

Now, I like my phone too, often posting and checking things, but when I am out with my wife and/or grown children, the phone stays in my pocket. I enjoy having a nice conversation over dinner and a beer or two.

Hey, this conversation line is right on target. The impact of
I-Phone type devices has less to do with the internet and
calling people and more to do with reordering social behavior.

Marshall McLuhan, Canadian Philosopher of Communication
Theory. This guy was big when I was in college. "Marshall
McLuhan, what are you doin.........".

Bob Copeland

Another "old" guy here too... just turned 50.

I have heard, and would probably try, the new "forced social" trick some groups do if I needed to.....

Everyone gets their phone out and puts it in a pile in the middle of the table. First one to grab the phone pays for dinner for the whole table.

More annoying is places that have TVs.

Yes! My wife and I avoid restaurants with TVs. Not bad when dining alone, but not when you have company. We turn the TV off during dinner at home too.

-Craig

With you on that one....a single TV isn't bad, but when there's a screen visible in every possible direction, I'm done.

Annoying, but at least makes a bit more sense than people in their own world staring into their devices.

If Marshall McLuhan was right when he said "The medium is the message" then the message seems to be "You are only important to me if we converse through this (wireless) medium."

Cheers,
Bob

Ok... I guess there are times that I will join the Zombie nation. I just realized, I'm on a 3 hour flight headed home. It's a company plane and they provide free in-flight internet. There are 35 of us packed into an aluminum tube zipping along at 35K feet with nothing to do but stare at the seat back in front of us (small planes are kind of loud for carrying on a conversation comfortably). So we've all got out laptops/ultrabooks/tables/smart-phones running in overtime. I wonder if anyone on the plane isn't immersed in their own digital world at this moment?

...but that's the right time. Conversation with the person next to you can be weird if it peters out after 10 on a 3 hr flight. Heh

I like that idea. Fortunately, very few people I know would be tapping away. I so have one kid that had earbuds in all the time but he's listening to music. His social chattering is in the xbox. Most of the teens I am around are Boy Scouts -cellphones and other technology except GPS are banned on camping trips and other events.

I will admit to being guilty of headphones in the ears though I'm listening to books or music most go the time but not when I'm eating or socializing with others.

My husband and I are heading to the Texas Hill Country tomorrow for the weekend (on the scoots) for our 23rd wedding anniversary. Plan is to maybe ride the twisted sisters, check out the wildflowers as part if my cannonball prep and in the evenings check out the winery tasting rooms near the cottage in Fredricksburg we are renting, have good food and enjoy the fireplace.

FWIW, I've noticed it is often easier to get in a casual conversation with a stranger in a coffee house than a restaurant bar unless the bartender is the friendly sort that prompts conversation. Our favorite place in Breckenridge gas just such a bartender, Bubba. It is almost impossible to sit at that bar and not gave a conversation of some sort but being in a resort town may make casual conversation starting easier.

On the opposite side of the coin, there was an older man behind me on our flight home from London, who had a young German tourist sitting next to him. He talked THE WHOLE FLIGHT. I almost felt like apologizing to him for the obnoxious American chatter.

^^^^ yeah we've probably all been there too. I've used my headphones to escape the "constant talker" on international flights. I figure the person is probably a nervous flyer.

Sadly this guy had no excuse. One of the conversations I had the pleasure to overhear was that is a pilot. And bought a $150 bottle of whiskey.

Am going on 21 years with the best woman a guy could have. We too eat out a bit and without fail, we'll see a family seated at almost any restaurant and every one in the group is on their smart phone. Kids can barely put down their cell phones while they place their food order. I'm a professional photographer and we ask that their be no cell phones in the camera room. I could go on and on but when a kid can't put his or her phone down for 2 minutes, something is wrong. I'm not that important, that missing a phone call is cause for a near panic. The real winners? Apple, Verizon...

I text my friends when they're next to me. That way I don't have to make eye contact.

"...I invited you for espresso - not to chitchat."

Just kidding, I don't have any friends.

I met my current wife at a deposition 8 years before I proposed. She was a newer lawyer on a case where I was the only "partner" level lawyer actually involved in the case. She was married and I was engaged to someone else.

Eight years later we were both single and we met again on "Match.com". I shit you not.

That is highly awesome.

I'm beginning to think we need a "You kids get off my lawn" section on this forum

Sorry but it's I who have the best woman you can have.

"have" being a relative term.

Leasing with an option to buy.

Bill xxx