OP
@belkwinith avatar
UTC

Veni, Vidi, Posti
Honda CTX 700 DN Automatic Motorcycle
Joined: UTC
Posts: 5122
Location: Naperville, Illinois
 
Veni, Vidi, Posti
@belkwinith avatar
Honda CTX 700 DN Automatic Motorcycle
Joined: UTC
Posts: 5122
Location: Naperville, Illinois
UTC quote
My Mom has been gone 4 years now... and I can't stop beating myself up over every time I let her down or was not there for her.

My friends warned me...they told me in the middle of her long illness (4 years) that I would regret not being there.

But I was so busy, new house, boyfriend with kids, new job... I tried to go back and forth, but I just couldn't keep doing it. It was exhausting, driving 5 hours to sit in the hospital in Detroit or at the home.

I should have been there one weekend. Instead I stayed home. I was just so tired. So I told my Mom I couldn't make it. Too much work. Instead of visiting her, I went riding all weekend. It was great. Great weather, visiting friends. I had an great time.

But then later, after she became sicker, I really regreted it. How could I have put my fun ahead of the woman who gave me so much?

Now she is gone. She never approved of my riding a scooter. She didn't really like my boyfriend. But I know she did love me very much. I still feel like I let her down, in so many ways. She never asked for anything. Did I give back enough? Did she know she was everything to me? Everything I am, I got from her, my creativity, my stubbornness, my wild streak. It's all her.

Whenever I ride past a house with lovely flowers, I think of her. She loved her garden. And that's one thing I did not inherit for I have the brownest of thumbs. And everytime I ride, I say to myself, "Now Ma, I know you don't like the scooter, but it's a beautiful day, so come ride with me." I hope she does. Sometimes when I smell the flowers, I swear I can smell her perfume.

I love you Mom.
Forum member supplied image with no explanatory text
@voneschenbach avatar
UTC

Ossessionato
A fracking cage sadly
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4000
Location: Seattle
 
Ossessionato
@voneschenbach avatar
A fracking cage sadly
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4000
Location: Seattle
UTC quote
What a touching memorial. I had my mom over for dinner and thanked her for her patience and letting me live ;o)
@wmak avatar
UTC

Moto Giro Titan
2009 GTS 250 Super Lucrezia Borgia, 2013 Ducati Hyperstrada, Little Big Red,2020 Zero SR/S, Zeus, Electric Dragon
Joined: UTC
Posts: 2658
Location: Carrollton, Kentucky
 
Moto Giro Titan
@wmak avatar
2009 GTS 250 Super Lucrezia Borgia, 2013 Ducati Hyperstrada, Little Big Red,2020 Zero SR/S, Zeus, Electric Dragon
Joined: UTC
Posts: 2658
Location: Carrollton, Kentucky
UTC quote
Remember the good times, not the bad. I miss my mom every day, and she's been gone 16 years.
@fledermaus avatar
UTC

Veni, Vidi, Posti
2007 LX150 2015 GTS (on the bench) 2017 BV 350
Joined: UTC
Posts: 12054
Location: Fond du Lac, Wisconsin
 
Veni, Vidi, Posti
@fledermaus avatar
2007 LX150 2015 GTS (on the bench) 2017 BV 350
Joined: UTC
Posts: 12054
Location: Fond du Lac, Wisconsin
UTC quote
Nice tribute to your mom....bittersweet as it is. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's hard to get it right. We make mistakes. We could always have done much better in hindsight.

Fortunately for me, my mom is still alive. I've had some moments already where I feel I'd let her down.... what's nice is being able to move on and try to make up for it. There are still times, though, that there's too much work, too much family, too many demands to give her the time I think she really deserves. She understands, and takes what I can give, but it won't be too long and she'll be gone, and I'll miss her and be in your shoes, regretting every missed opportunity to make her life better.

For anyone who still has the chance, make it a great Mother's Day!
@sharpcolorado avatar
UTC

Ossessionato
2012 GTV 300 & LXV 150
Joined: UTC
Posts: 3486
Location: Pacific Northwest
 
Ossessionato
@sharpcolorado avatar
2012 GTV 300 & LXV 150
Joined: UTC
Posts: 3486
Location: Pacific Northwest
UTC quote
You looking back is a sign of love and devotion to your Mom. How precious it is to look back and reconsider your life.

We should all be so brave.

People are forever.
-Doug
@adolph avatar
UTC

Member
2013 GTS 300 Super
Joined: UTC
Posts: 42
Location: Ohio
 
Member
@adolph avatar
2013 GTS 300 Super
Joined: UTC
Posts: 42
Location: Ohio
UTC quote
Our mothers' disappointments that we caused and belatedly want to fix do not need our effort, because those disappointments were the fear all loving mothers like yours, my wife's, and my own have suffered for their wanting better for us, their children, than they could make happen by THEIR effort. I suspect that our riding, our boyfriends or girlfriends who we may have married or not are enjoyed by our mothers with a new, expanded meaning once given to enjoy transcendence of time and place by increased mindfulness, uninhibited by habitual, stultifying patterns. You, Belkwinith, give wonderful expression to your thinking, loving, and association of material elements that keep you mindfully in close relationship with your mother, as I do with mine and with my wife's now that they, too, are gone/not gone.
@knight_train avatar
UTC

Ossessionato
2017 BMW R1200GS and 2010 Vespa GTS 250 (shared)
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4213
Location: San Diego
 
Ossessionato
@knight_train avatar
2017 BMW R1200GS and 2010 Vespa GTS 250 (shared)
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4213
Location: San Diego
UTC quote
Your mother loved you. Absolutely and unconditionally. She was thankful for every moment that you spent together and never once begrudged you the freedoms you earned.

Give yourself a break. Your Mom would have.
@larrymk avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
Vespa Super 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1878
Location: AZ
 
Molto Verboso
@larrymk avatar
Vespa Super 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1878
Location: AZ
UTC quote
That is so very touching. We all have things we hope we could have done better, that is just human. Hang in there and have a great Mothers day, you certainly deserve it.
@judy avatar
UTC

World Traveler
2007 LX150 Daring Plum Leonardo Da Vespa
Joined: UTC
Posts: 29304
 
World Traveler
@judy avatar
2007 LX150 Daring Plum Leonardo Da Vespa
Joined: UTC
Posts: 29304
UTC quote
Don't beat yourself up. People can wait to die if they want someone around. Seen it too many times. Life gets in the way. She went on her own terms. Didn't make her love you any less. My mom died in '79. I was 25 at the time. I was with her and she waited until my friend could get there. It was Easter and she told my friend to look at the lovely roses i got her and closed her eyes for the last time. My dad died 5yrs earlier and i'm an only child. I wish i knew my parents as an adult. At 20 when my dad died i wasn't. I was better at 25 but there are many days i would love to pick up the phone and just talk. I know their still around. I will see them again one day. Happy Mothers Day to all.
@davetcg avatar
UTC

Hooked
2007 Vespa GTS 250 - VintageRed
Joined: UTC
Posts: 107
Location: Marietta, GA
 
Hooked
@davetcg avatar
2007 Vespa GTS 250 - VintageRed
Joined: UTC
Posts: 107
Location: Marietta, GA
UTC quote
Very touching. I needed to see that today. I think we all wish we could do better and certainly go back and change things. My mom is still her thankfully, but I feel your pain because sometimes I feel like I let my Father down. I need to not make the same mistake again.
My mom doesn't really like me riding either, but she doesn't give me a hard time about it.
@max6200 avatar
UTC

Banned
2006 GTS 250
Joined: UTC
Posts: 10590
Location: KS USA
 
Banned
@max6200 avatar
2006 GTS 250
Joined: UTC
Posts: 10590
Location: KS USA
UTC quote
Oh Belk stop blaming yourself. I bet she loved you as well. My Mom passed away when I was going to the university in the States. Folks in Brazil do not embalm the bodies and I would have to pay for first class plane tickets anyway at the last minute. Therefore I did not go to the funeral, etc. I used to feel somewhat like you but now I know that she forgave me.
@futisle avatar
UTC

Hooked
BV350
Joined: UTC
Posts: 158
Location: Isle of Man
 
Hooked
@futisle avatar
BV350
Joined: UTC
Posts: 158
Location: Isle of Man
UTC quote
My Mum died in 2009. She had pancreatic cancer and the 4 months she lived from her diagnosis had some happy moments, but for the most part it was torture for her and for my Dad, my brother and I. We all loved her incredibly much.

Her last 3 days were in hospital. We took her there and chatted to her for a couple of hours and she said she wanted to go to sleep now, told my Dad she had always loved him and we left for the night. The next morning she was in a coma and we had no more words with her. For two days we all sat at her bedside until my father could not sit there anymore. He was exhausted. I stayed on until he could return but she died that night. I was the only one here with her. Did this mean I loved her more than my Dad or brother - of course not! What really matters is the memories we shared when she was alive and well; the love we had for her and the love she had for us and the fact that we remain her family.

The moment of death is just a moment. You shared a lot more of her life than that. Do not beat yourself up about it. It is not necessary.
@tn_sooner avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
2012 BV 350, 2013 BMW C650 GT, 2015 Indian Chieftain
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1999
Location: Brentwood, TN
 
Molto Verboso
@tn_sooner avatar
2012 BV 350, 2013 BMW C650 GT, 2015 Indian Chieftain
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1999
Location: Brentwood, TN
UTC quote
Oh man, but does this hit home. I'm sitting in my mothers rehab room feeling sorry for myself, thinking of all the places that I'd rather be. Mom had her knees replaced in November and just had back surgery. I spent about 3 weeks with her in December and am with her now. Your post is a kick in the pants for me to stop feeling sorry and enjoy the time I have with her. She's 76 and hopefully this surgery will let her live the remaining years mostly pain free.
OP
@belkwinith avatar
UTC

Veni, Vidi, Posti
Honda CTX 700 DN Automatic Motorcycle
Joined: UTC
Posts: 5122
Location: Naperville, Illinois
 
Veni, Vidi, Posti
@belkwinith avatar
Honda CTX 700 DN Automatic Motorcycle
Joined: UTC
Posts: 5122
Location: Naperville, Illinois
UTC quote
Thanks for the thoughtful replies.

You guys are great folks. Make special times with your parents and loved ones. Fill their lives with great memories. That's all we have in the end.
@yanobobano avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
GTS 250ie, GT 200 (cannonball scoot)
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1057
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
 
Molto Verboso
@yanobobano avatar
GTS 250ie, GT 200 (cannonball scoot)
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1057
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
UTC quote
Belk- I know how you feel. I lost my Mom last year, but I really feel like I lost her almost 10 years ago. My parents divorced when I was 20 and she moved back to the mainland. Shortly after, she was diagnosed with early onset dementia and everything went downhill very quickly from there. Pretty soon she wasn't the same person, and eventually I couldn't even understand what she was saying when we would talk on the phone. My biggest regret is not spending more time with her when she could still remember me, but it was part of how I (unfortunately) dealt with her illness.
I'm sure she'd wholeheartedly disagree with me riding a scooter and motorcycle, but she had her free-spirited hippie living in a commune thing and this is mine.
Been trying to type this damn response out for hours but every time I start to write a little more, I start to cry. So, I'm just going to stop here. I hope things get easier for all of us who seem to be carrying around these heavy feelings. Thank you for sharing this with us.
@crazycarl avatar
UTC

Ossessionato
2007 250 GTS, 1980 P200E, 2010 ThunderFly 190 (SOLD) 2015 Yamaha SMax
Joined: UTC
Posts: 3386
Location: Springboro, OH
 
Ossessionato
@crazycarl avatar
2007 250 GTS, 1980 P200E, 2010 ThunderFly 190 (SOLD) 2015 Yamaha SMax
Joined: UTC
Posts: 3386
Location: Springboro, OH
UTC quote
Belk - I know exactly how you feel. I just lost my mother a week ago (on 5/4) and she had been ill for a while.

She lived about 2.5 hours away, so it wasn't always easy for me to go see her. While I did get the chance to be with her quite a bit over the last few weeks of her life, I discovered I was beating myself up for not being there more often previously.

Keep your loved ones alive in your memories, that's all you can do.
DoubleGood Design banner

Modern Vespa is the premier site for modern Vespa and Piaggio scooters. Vespa GTS300, GTS250, GTV, GT200, LX150, LXS, ET4, ET2, MP3, Fuoco, Elettrica and more.

Buy Me A Coffee
 

Shop on Amazon with Modern Vespa

Modern Vespa is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com


All Content Copyright 2005-2024 by Modern Vespa.
All Rights Reserved.


[ Time: 0.0160s ][ Queries: 4 (0.0065s) ][ live ][ 313 ][ ThingOne ]