Modern Vespa

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic.
He said, " Sure, go ahead, knock yourself out."

A cement mixer collided with a prison bus. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

Eat a Prune, create a movement

Why do Farts smell......So deaf people can enjoy them as well.

*thinking music*

Guess you were stuck in the middle.

My boss said to me:
"You are the worst train operator ever.
How many trains have you derailed in the past year?"

I said:
"I'm not sure. It's hard to keep track."

I have a suntanning addiction, so only go on holiday in winter.

I went cold Turkey last year.

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If at first you don't succeed, BASE jumping isn't your sport.😉👍

Wow! I just discovered this thread.

What a treasure trove of clean 'groaner' jokes that I can 'borrow' when I play guitar and ruin John Prine songs at a senior citizen's center later this month.

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Go for it In todays world at least you are making somebodies day better,I say good on you

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Did I already tell you my Alzheimer's joke ?

I had better not try THAT one at the Adult Day Care Center I'll be entertaining them at on the 16th.

Well......maybe I..........no, nope, nope!

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Man walks into a butchers and asks "you got a sheep's head, nope replied the butcher, its the way I do my hair". 😉👍

Most bald people still own a comb.



They just can't part with it.

My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

My wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read anything.

Hey now I object to that one, my name is Ken! Still have most of my stuff

I once lived just a stone's throw away from a family who all died of mysterious head injuries.

Funny sign

BUGGSY has been ejected from this topic

Every morning when I leave the house a bike runs into me!



It's a vicious cycle.

Did you hear about the bread factory that burnt down?


The business is now toast.

Both the above are stolen from a friend's Facebook feed - Dad Jokes.

What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.

I'm going to have to return the camouflage jacket I bought last week.




I just can't see myself wearing it.

To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my Word.

I saw a radio for sale, the tag said "50 cents, volume stuck on full".


I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down".

I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.