Modern Vespa

So this post is for the older of us

I am 64, and I likely look 64. My hair is thin, my hair and vandyke beard are totally gray so I do not look young. I have changed my iPhone ringtone to "When I' m 64" by the Beatles for this year. Not sure what I will do next year.

When I go into a store or anyplace and the person behind the counter......who is young....says to me, "so what can I do for you young man(or something else equally stupid)" , it just pisses me off. I know they think it is funny and they are just trying to be "cute". But it just gets me. I feel disrespected. It is not just for me i feel the same if they are saying it to any older person as I am. I have yet to say something, but I do feel they next time I hear that said to me, I will say something, but it may not be too nice.

Just curious what others think? Am I being too sensitive or are others of the older generations bothered by this as well? For the younger generation feel free to comment also.


Thanks for any input I get


Larry

Kind of reminds me of being tall as a kid....everyone either wanted to know whether I played basketball (yes, and badly), or "how the weather was up there." Annoyed the hell out of me. I finally realized that a lot of people just wanted to talk to me and were pretty clueless how to start a polite conversation. It doesn't happen much anymore, but I think I'd be a lot more gracious than before.

After just turning 63, I feel your pain. Not sure what to do other than suck it up IMHO. If it's any consolation, the standard way to address a waiter in Mexico is "joven" -young man. Doesn't matter if he's 85 and has a limp, it's still SOP.

Ageism is one of the last forms of accepted bigotry in civilized society.

At just 45 and all my hair I feel it.

LarryMK,
I'm 47, which I realize is still very young in comparison. I came to the conclusion years ago that other people's opinions of me really don't matter. Not sure if my give-a-damn wore out or if I just beat it into submission, but "social acceptance" simply isn't a big priority for me these days.
That's why I'm totally happy wearing my goofy helmet and tooling about on a scooter that even other Vespa owners disapprove of. Joke 'em if they can't take a (*&^. I'm having a good time...

So yeah... That sort of thing wouldn't bother *me* and I would wonder why I was so sensitive about it, but people are different. Maybe you're just more of a social creature than I am. *shrug*

Best,
-Slashy

Next time, if there is one, call the boy "Sport"; the girl "Dearie".

I actually just want to explain to them, that at least on my account, I find that degrading and perhaps they should just not say that. I bet that most people my age also find that degrading. Just for grins i ran this by my daughter, who is 26 and just to brag, just graduated medical school, and she understood why I thought that it was a bit degrading. I don't think they are being mean, it just is a bit degrading. Again just my opinion.


larry

I like that...with *just* the right intonation. 8)

Gives one a sense of what black men being called "boy" for decades had to feel like.

I'm 48 and still can't get used to being called Sir like I'm an adult or something

I knew a very nice large black man back in '64 who told me the worst thing about being black is you are never a man. When you are younger, they call you boy. When you are older, they call you uncle.

This man worked the operation before mine in a Chrysler Plant. He wore a beret and had a Fu-Manchu mustache and he was scary looking but had a heart of gold. I asked him to come for dinner a few times but he always refused. He said when my neighbors see a big black man coming to visit, they would be upset and worry that the neighborhood was going to hell. He was that thoughtful that he didn't want any trouble for me. A decent man.

I remember years back going into a Dunkin Donuts for coffee and two donuts. The clerk rang up my order and it was less than the posted price. I pointed it out and she explained that she had given me my Senior Discount. Never had I ever requested a senior discount anyplace even though I have certainly been qualified for it for quite some time. I had just worked an overnight cop shift and thought I must really have looked like shit to get a discount based on my appearance.

I went home and rubbed lemon all over my face.

Well, I guess my question for the OP would be...would you also feel disrespected if they addressed you as "old-timer" or "old man"?

I've always looked/acted older than I actually am. I stopped getting carded for booze at about 17. When i was 20, i was always looking around at my age-peers and muttering "WTF is wrong with you morons?" I have always gotten along much better with my elders than with my peers.

Now that I'm approaching "elder" status, I find myself in agreement with Slashy. I've fought tooth and nail for every single one of my years and that's pretty much made me bulletproof to how anyone else regards/addresses me. Some would say such acceptance is part of the grace of aging but in my case, (and likely Slashy's too) I just simply don't care enough to care. There is a very small circle of people/things/ideas that I care very deeply about. Anything outside that circle might as well be another dimension to me. Some may call it apathy, but as an unabashed introvert, I call it survival. When I venture outside my circle, I only have so many shits to give before I have to retreat back inside to recharge!

My advice, don't waste the few shits you have to give on the unimportant stuff. Just my $.02.

Happened to me once. I looked around obviously. They said what is wrong I said "I thought my Dad must be behind me" with a smile.

Take the high ground simply ignore it and answer the question. Or not if it doesn't need answering.

Brits are much better at nicknames like Pet or Luv, I think Sport is more Aussie or South African?

I feel you, Larry. I find it irritating.

But quite some time ago I decided to stop trying to set the world straight. There's just too many of them and it would be like trying to catch raindrops to keep the ground dry.

I do like my senior discounts, though.

Confession. I ordered a martini tonight at a local place my wife and I like very much. The young male bartender brought it, and I thought it tasted awfully watery. I just figured he over-shook it - the glass was very full. When I got the bill, it said "vodka martini". Aha!

When he returned with my credit card, I said, "This may just be a generational thing, but traditionally martinis are made with gin".

He replied that in his experience people usually preferred vodka, so he just assumed.

This was all very friendly, BTW.

I don't know if he will ask from now on, or if he'll just forget about it.

Life is not a beauty contest,,,,it is, however, a costume party!!!!

Since getting older I have become a Sir otherwise I am invisible to the general population.

I too am 64 years old. I too have been addressed as '"young man". It really doesn't bother me...because it happens quite often with different folks that I meet. They just don't mean anything derogatory by it, Although it may offend some, as with the op. I did once have the mickey taken out of me by a young lady who obviously thought I was totally inept at using my smart phone (I'm not). She seemed surprised I even had one and told me so and mentioned how 'her generation' was so much cooler with technology than my generation. So I proceeded to tell her my generation had invented the mobile phone, smartphone, smart tv's, the computer, the internet, and spaceflight plus a whole load of other stuff. She kind of didn't know what to say when I said, "yeah, I'm glad you've got the hang of using all this stuff my generation invented!".

Yes, Yes, Yes! (fist pump).

Effective communication is very little about concentrating on what I heard you say and very much about about figuring out what others' meant, what they intended; if someone is trying be nice, or break the ice etc., I should accept and appreciate that, regardless of the specific words.

Why? Because language is always, always changing, and this change happens mainly generationally: so when one of my students calls me (aged 54) "dude" he's offering it as a bond, as a sign he trusts and feels comfortable with me.

It matters less that for my generation that's too informal.

I mean, sure, I can obsess on that and get angry and want more respect, but to what purpose?

Why ever strike down a hand offered in kindness or friendship?

Besides, seems to me we're a country absolutely obsessed over finding ways to get pissed off at each other. I can't imagine that's healthy or productive.

I'm in my 50s and get a bit of this. I just try to look at the perceived intent, and take no offense if my conclusion is that none was intended. Life is too short as it is.

Roughly 11 years ago I took my son Jacob, who was 3 years old at the time, to our local birding store to buy some feeders for the yard. The lady at the counter said to my son how nice it was that he was there to help grandpa find some feeders. I was 48 years old then Jacob started laughing and told the lady that I was his father and that she probably lost a sale.

We did end up buying feeders that day and the owners and I have become good friends.

OP I would just roll with it.

I don't worry about what others think. Over here if you oldish ( new word) people will call you Auntie. Then if your older than that they'll call you TuTu. That word means grandmother in Hawaiian. IMHO TuTu sounds a whole lot better than Grandma Larry i'm the same age as you. I figured i'm just happy that i'm alive to even be called Grandma. Earned every second of it. Embrace it.

Hit 50 this year. Didn't affect me as much as hitting 40. I think it affected my wife more than it did me.

Years ago I got the slow loud talk from a McDonald's cashier when I ordered coffee and when I got back to my car and read the receipt I laughed my arse off at the 'senior discount'. I've had gray in my hair since my 20s, so that's never phased me.

I get the "Sir" a lot and feel good that there are some people who have respect for the generation before them. I don't really feel old. But you know how it goes. All the stuff on the inside of your head sometimes doesn't match the old guy you see in the mirror.

One thing I have learned is those who are older than me are the same on the inside as I am, so I talk to them person to person, instead of how I would talk to my grandparents when I was younger.

It's either grow old or die, so I'll take grow old.

If I'm doing my math right, we're in the same boat. I've yet to be openly called grandpa, but I bet the term's been used.

I'm guessing too, the young ladies I hold the door for are starting to wonder where I found the strength.

Oh no, I'm not going to grow old, at least not voluntarily. Since I'm self employed, when clients aren't around my wife and I can have the same childish (and disgusting) sense of humor as the kids on South Park. Or Eddie Murphy. I'll never give that up (at least privately).

At this point for me, nobody's going to mistake me for being too much younger than I really am (54). When my daughter went to college (I was 48 ) it reinforced to me that it's been a very long time since I could be confused with a student. And that's ok. For some reason, though, most people think I'm about 10 years younger than I am, and I don't understand why. I'm a bald, short, pale dude with a few extra pounds and grey hair.... but I smile a lot and try to have a positive attitude.

We joke that next year (55!) I can get the cheapo movies on Tuesdays. Wahoo! But I'm not going to move to a 55+ community, too many old people.

I'm taking my cue from my 75 year old father in law. He still works (he's happiest running his business), and has no plans to retire, as his work keeps him social and engaged with all sorts of people. He regularly goes out to a brew pub with his new neighbors... a couple in their mid 30s. They think he's a laugh a minute kind of guy.... and they're right.

I had a young lady the other day say to me while holding a door open for her as I exited a restaurant that she was fully capable of getting the door herself.

Yeah-when anyone ever gives me the "old guy" routine, I always have the best comeback zinger that really puts them in their place. Unfortunately, I am at home an hour or two later before I think of it....

LOL Even, at 55, I feel the same way.

Just keep moving

Active older people generally age better, and do tend to have fewer surgical complications

I'm 66 and no one has mentioned my age. Of course if they did I would just say, as an older gentleman did to me years ago, "Hey, you don't have a guarantee you'll make it this far."

Don't fight it - embrace it.

I sometimes reply, "I may be an old dog but I can still bury a bone."

Some people try to be funny, some are, that person was not. Life is too short, let it go. I'm 62.

One good thing is that I no longer have to worry about dying young.

Saw a tshirt that said, "I may be old but I've seen all the best bands!"

^Another good point.
You know... A lot of young adults these days, they didn't grow up like us. They never developed the social skills that we all take for granted. They were sheltered from the other kids, helicoptered, taken on supervised "play dates", and spent most of their time in their rooms on the internet.
A lot of them are scared to talk to another human on the phone, let alone face to face. That's really our fault (as a generation, not as individuals). We raised them that way.
They wouldn't choose to talk to you at all, but their bosses make them do it as a "corporate policy" thing.
So if they're good people and mean well, you gotta cut 'em some slack. They know they're not good at this. They would have some serious anxiety if they knew that they said something that made another person upset with them. The kind thing to do is not let on that you're annoyed. Don't take offense where it's not intended.

Best,
-Slashy

I couldn't agree more. Good words, Tdrake.

And yet, I get the OP's point. All my life I've been called honey, dear, sweetie, etc., most likely due to my short stature. It's always annoyed me, especially in my young adult years when I just wanted to be taken seriously. Now, though, I think it's kind of cute. Especially the older I get. You wanna call me honey? Go right ahead

Oops!

My first experience with this topic occurred when I was around 60 (many years ago) and had to use public transit for several days. I was shocked to find kids (and one older lady) offering me a seat. I wasn't offended, just shocked to realize how different my self-perception was from the rest of the world's. BTW, I gratefully declined the offers just to reinforce the point that I really didn't need the assistance.

I enjoy being a grumpy old man.

Well I"m hitting 50 this year and not sure how I feel about it. I'm a business owner and most of my clients have been with me since the beginning or were older than me when they came on board. It's funny I had a talk with one of the senior associates last week at an architecture firm. There are about 10 associates there and we noticed that we are all just sort of getting old(er) together. Parents passing away for some, puppies becoming old dogs, pets being put down, houses being bought, kids going to college etc, getting married etc.
Life has a way of creeping up on you. In my case I have an illness they don't understand that is progressively getting worse which is part of the reason I got back in to biking after a long break. I want to enjoy as much of life as I can while I can. I never feel as free as when the miles are clicking away beneath my two wheels.

The sir thing does throw me off but I guess doesn't bother me. I'll take what I can get. Grandpa or young man I haven't gotten yet and if I make it to being old enough to have someone say that to me I'm cool with that. Oops this comes of a way more morose than I mean it to be... I'm just saying life seems to happen around us without us even knowing it. It isn't until you look back that you realize that. Hell 9/11 seems like yesterday to many of us but 9/11 to us is what WWII was to many of our parents. WWII felt like ancient history to many of and it's funny when you thing to todays generation 9/11 must feel like ancient history to them. Puts a little perspective on things.