Modern Vespa

Rode a Sportster to a Car Club Show and Shine. Didn't show it or Shine it. Still drew a crowd. Most common dumb question.

"How come it has so many miles on it?"

Answer: Ahh.. I ride it.

On my Vespa GTV. "Why didn't you get a Harley?"

Answer: Not enough Chrome.

See Argento's pictures below.

Is that your moped ?

Well, I talk to myself a lot so there's quite a selection of dumbities...

Mine was " how did you get a speeding ticket on your Vespa?

As a 16 year old riding my Vespa 125 Super ~ "Are you a MOD?"

As a 56 year old riding my Vespa GTS 300 ~ "Were you once a MOD?"

Walking into my department at work carrying my helmet on a cold day and get "You rode in today?".

This one takes a little bit of background. For those unfamiliar with vintage Harley-Davidsons, their heavy motorcycles built from 1936-1984 had 3 engine types.

* Knucklehead (1936-1947)
* Panhead (1948-1965)
* Shovelhead (1966-1984)

I'm out for a ride one morning and my bike (1949 Panhead) is parked among a lot of other bikes at a popular gathering spot. As I walk up to my bike a guy is "schooling" his buddy about it. He's telling him it's an old Harley w/ a Shovelhead motor. I correct him and tell him, it's a Panhead, not a Shovelhead. He tells me, "No, that's a Shovelhead, blah, blah, blah". I just said, "Ok..." pulled out key and put it in the ignition... "I guess I've been mistaken about what I ride all these years." His buddy just starts laughing and called him an idiot.

* Nobhead (one born every day)

"oh wow! I like your vespa!"

I was riding a Lambretta.

I'm Filling up my LX150 at the gas pump. A man walks up and asks "is that electric"?

That's an easy mistake to make if the scooter was actually moving.

The questions I most often heard were:

How much did that cost?

How fast will it go?

What kind of mileage do you get?

And my answers were:

Over $4,000.

About 60mph. (flyscreen and down hill a bit)

75mpg +/-


And the question I was asked one time:

How gay do you have to be to ride one of those?

My answer was:

How gay do you want me to be?

'Those little wheels go on the road?!'

no.. I use my feet, Flintstone style.

Other goodies:

I'm flattered but taken.

If I was I'd like to think I could do better than you.

Question I like most, why don't you get a real motorcycle?
My responses usually, what's a real motorcycle? This will go over the speed limit, and blow your Harley away in any twisties.

Not dumb, but I was riding a Sportster from Venice CA to SF, on the freeway, going more or less what I think the speed limit should be. Someone pulled up next to me, rolled down the passenger window, and started to shout "You're dragging your suitcase."
I looked down to the left and sure enough, one end of a bungie cord was attached to my duffel bag, and the other end was hooked to the Sportster. When taking a curve to the right, the duffel bag drifted out and touched the lane line.
By the time I pulled over and regained control of it, the duffel bag looked like someone dragged it behind a motorcycle, many items of clothing and toiletries were missing, and a few of my shirts had the same wear marks something gets when you drag it behind a motorcycle, and a tube of toothpaste had a bit of road grit on it, where the tube had worn down.

this one is always one of my favorites. why don't you get a real bike?

and I'll look at theirs quizzically for a moment. and then I'll say: well, that's not a real bike. it doesn't have a kickstart!

"Why doesn't a big guy like you get a bigger bike?"

"Is that thing street legal?"

"Want to compare odometers?"
That usually shuts that question down for me. Especially when they admit that they're "between bikes."

I'm puzzled as to why everyone talks about Harleys to Vespa riders. As though it had been a tossup between just those 2 things. I've fielded that one 3 or 4 times in my brief tenure. I'm kinda with Bill Dog on the irk-factor - not sure why perfect strangers feel the need to share their weird opinions.

As a musician I can tell you that one gets used to folks who don't know anything about music wanting to chat you up after a gig. All kinds of tedious conversations around that, but those people paid money at the door. Apparently if you pay me enough I'll listen to your comments about my big guitar, AKA: a bass.

+1 on this.
Not that it's a competition mind you.

Driver pulls up at stoplight, rolls down window: "That thing fast enough to be out on the road?"

I nod slowly, but wanted to lift my visor and say "I got here ahead of you, didn't I?"

At 70 years old I still occasionally get asked "Are you a mod ? " . My reply is " Not all scooter riders are mods , and not all mods ride scooters " Growing up in the mod era in the mid 60's the more affluent mods owned cars , middle income mods had scooters and those with little cash used public transport to get around .

Dumbest thing said to you while riding "can I have a go?"

Dumbest thing I ever said while riding "yes!"

one twisted lammy legshield later

"Pass me that beer"

No kidding! The spectrum of motorcycles is huge and these two (Vespa and HD) are not located very close to each other on that spectrum. How many people have stayed awake at night fretting over the question "should I get a Vespa or a Harley?" I do know a few people who have both. I did for a while. Two very different riding experiences. Both a lot of fun.

I'll bring my stories later but these come from my Sister who used to work on a Cruise Liner.

1 Do these stairs go up or down ?

2 What time is the Midnight buffet ?

3 Where does the ship get it's power ? Ans - We tap into a cable on the ocean floor.

Sorted.

Since my current ride is 73 years old, another common thing I hear is a guy telling me "I used to have one like yours, then I got smart and bought a modern one." This is followed by the mandatory "I remember the time it tossed me over the handle bars while kick starting it." story. This story if a virtual impossibility unless you weigh less than a feather. Yes, they can kick-back while starting, but not hard enough to toss a grown adult over the handle bars.

I may have said this before but if someone feels the need to be critical of your ride just say -

I didn't buy it for you.

Dumb ass questions typically deserve Smart ass replies, so I appreciate some of the replies here. Curiosity questions like how fast and mileage I typically reply with solid answers. But don't belittle my choice without expecting a sharp retort.

"Why didn't you get a Harley?" I reply "I'm under-compensating".

When commuting to work, I had a Harley riding coworker that I knew pretty well ask me why I wore all my gear just to ride a little scooter. I replied "Lets both go out to the parking lot, run as fast as we can, and then dive onto the pavement. The road doesn't care what I ride, it only wants to hurt me."

This thread would make a good edition of Mad Magazine's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions". Along the lines of this:

A personal favourite. I usually reply along the lines of "Do you also assume everyone on a motorcycle is a Rocker?"

From someone that never should be on any bike especially a Harley when he pulled up to my modified 67 GT Rat.

"Your bike is smoking"
"Yeah it's a two stroke"
"But it's blue smoke, that means you're burning oil"
"Yeah it's a two stroke"
It's not good to burn oil"
"It is for me!"

"Do you know where you are?", when I'm more than 50km from the nearest piece of sealed road