Modern Vespa

I'm not arguing that it is important, but i will say that 99% of the time it's unrealistic to wait around for the po-po to show up. 99% of the time they have more pressing things to do...whatever that is, i have absolutely no idea. Case in point...back in the really 2000's my crappy old 1984 mazda 626 got stolen out in PDX. I did report the theft. I had a large real estate sticker slapped on the back of the car's bumper with my friend's name on it. Well anyhow some random guy that my friend knew called him up and said, "hey, i just saw a real crappy car with your real estate sticker on the back. It was kinda surprised to see you name on it. What's the deal?" My buddy told the guy that the car was stolen, so the guy gave my buddy the address where the car was at. My buddy called me and gave me the address. I went over and found the car on a city street. I called the cops to let them know i found it. The Police dispatch lady told me to wait for the cops. I asked how long the wait was. She said it could be a few hours or so. I told her, nevermind, i'll just grab it myself. She told me i could get detained or arrested if i did it. I then asked her if she knew the location of the car. She replied "no". I then replied, "then it sounds like the cops are going to have a difficult time tracking me down, AND i'll have a few hours or so head start." That got her pretty worked up, but i cordially thanked her for her time. It was quite a mundane retrieval. My two other buddies (that came with me) and i didn't even have to put any mileage on our baseball bats that night.

That's a great story Scott! I got a feel good bicycle theft story as well. This was back around 2010...

Portland is well know for bike thefts. I had a really nice 26" dirt jumper that i used to ride over to the Portland Nike Town store. That Nike store had an evening run club twice a week. My running buddies and i were in pretty decent shape. We were probably logging in anywhere from 30 to 80 miles a week running (depending upon what sort of race we were training for). We pretty much never ran slower than a 6 minute mile pace for any of out training runs...up hills. When it came to flat terrain or down hill runs we were much faster. I'm not trying to brag or boast, i'm just trying to just describe the character development before the upcoming event.

We had just finished a 7 mile hilly workout on a dark monday evening run. The last few miles were sub 4:30 mile pace (because it was mostly downhill and my buddies and i would always race in the last few miles). I went inside the Nike store to grab a drink of water. After i was inside for a few minutes, on off the gals who was running said to me, "i think someone is trying to steal your bike outside". I kept my cool and slowly sauntered out to where i had my bike locked up. Sure enough there was somebody with a trench coat hunched over the top of my bike. I cooly meandered over time them, just close enough to see what they were doing. Sure enough i saw a pair of bolt cutters nipping away at my cable lock. I slowly turned around and backup of about 20'. I scanned the area for any other people, but didn't see anyone else. So i backed up another 20'. I did one last scan of my surroundings. Then told myself, "most people only dream both this, but you have this open handed opportunity in front of you. It's your time to do the infamous OTFJBA". I got a real fast run at the thief and planted my foot about 10' away so that i could jump up really high in the air (yes, i used to be able to dunk a basketball). I landed on top of the thief's back, crushing them between my feet and the steel bike rack. All i heard was a huge amount of air exiting their lungs. I then quickly picked them from behind in a bear hug and threw them off over my shoulder, face first off the curb and into the street. The alleged thief went sprawling one direction while their 30" long bolt cutters when the other direction. I quickly picked up the bolt cutters. Then suddenly out of the blue a second unscrupulous looking character popped up out of the darkness. At that particular moment i didn't know what he was up to, but i made it very clear that if he were to approach me any closer that he was going to get his teeth knocked out with some bolt cutters, so he kept his distance. In the matter of about 5 seconds, he gave his bicycle to the other thief who managed to pry themselves off the pavement. I told them to not go anywhere and wait for the police, but they took off of the bike anyhow. As i watched them pedals away down hill i started to chuckle a little bit. I still had my running shoes in and i was good and warmed up from running a "short" 7 mile hill workout. So i gave the thief a half a block of a head start so that it would be more "sporting" of me.

Anyhow, i caught up with them about 600 meter later. They were pedaling at their top speed on a slight downhill. I ran right, and i do mean right next to them and asked them politely to stop and wait for the cops. They just kinda looked at me and kept pedaling as fast as they could. So i gave them a mighty shoulder check into the curb. They did a full on superman sliding skid to a stop. Both hands, side of face, knees, elbows were are bleeding. They finally ran inside a fancy building and hid right behind a security guard. Cops were called and i was in cuffs for about 45 minutes. Luckily i knew all the correct terms and wording to say when i was being questioned. The cops then sent me in my merry way and the thief got cuffed and stuffed into the back of a cruiser. I ran the 600 meters back to my bike and then pedaled away in a victory for all of mankind. And i still have the bike to this day!

*NOTE: FJBA was a term i coined MANY years before that theft. It stands for "Flying John Body Attack". I used it many times during remodel construction. It consists of using your body momentum (instead of the proper tools) to knock down framing, drywall, doors, create holes in 5th wheel RVs,
down trees, smash car doors...well you get the idea. OTFJBA is slightly different, yet it was coined a few months after the FJBA was first discovered. Sometimes FJBA wasn't quite enough, so out from the annals of history, the "Old Testament Flying John Body Attack" came to be. It's exactly like the FJBA, but since it's Old Testament, it's *10 fold. Yeah, no one wins in either side when you play that joker card.

*NOTE: 10 fold actually isn't in the Bible. Other foldings are, but no one want to see or hear about the aftermath of 60 or 100 fold.

Here's a fantastic fantastic short film that's relevant to the direction this topic has gone. A not-quite-a-scooter thief who gets more than he bargained for.

I've thought about putting a gps tracker on my scooter. Thing is, even with that, it's not gonna give police probable cause to make entry to a suspect's garage/house, whatever. So unless you and some friends are ready to potentially perpetrate your own string of felonies retrieving your bike, not much use.

Damn - Chuck Norris has got nothin on you. Crazy story - thanks for sharing!

Or Pee-Wee Herman

Seriously though. Die bike thieves.

I'm a loner Dottie... a rebel.


Seriously though ... nice to here a story where the good guys win one.

SoCal's just jealous because every time he asks Red to do those things, she's all, "Sorry, I have an air leak."

Completely off topic. I apologize. Under your avatar are two red/white/and blue targets. I understand they are generated by your post count. You also have what appears to be a circle with a '5' in it. What is that icon? Thanks.

the roundels aren't generated by post count but instead by karma rating. after you amass 5 roundels it goes to a single roundel with a "5" and then the single start again after. think of it as: 999,999 and 1M

don't ask what the thresholds are for roundels, or half roundels. all I know is that it's on a sliding scale and the first 1 or two are fairly low and then it becomes exponentially more after each.

Thanks. Appreciate the reply.

Hey Michael - you already got a half a roundel. And there's a whole slew of badges too. I'm particularly proud of the "60 on 8s" badge.

A cheap burner cell phone can be turned into a "faux-jack" tracker using Google locations. Hide on the bike and wire to the battery. Was a thing in the early 2000's and now you can buy trackers on Amazon. But they require subscriptions. And you find it, then what? I'm too old and handsome for fisties anymore, and then there's the whole guns thing.. but you may get lucky and jack it back.

Red's air leak is a built in anti-theft feature. I dare a thief to get it started.

I have to admit, when it showed up, I was feeling pretty salty. Maybe I should figure out how to post pictures.

Has anyone experienced their scooter's column lock foiling an attempted theft?

I always have wondered exactly how effective they are when in use in that situation...

One vote for no.

Still looking for a way to fix this.

I sure hope they catch that scumbag! The sad thing is even if this person is apprehended, they will probably get off with a slap on the wrist if anything at all!
Back in the days of the Wild West horses were stolen all the time. That is until it became legal to kill horse thieves. Guess what happened next? Horses thievery dropped dramatically. Back in Texas we have a saying, "He needed killing!"
I hope you get your steel horse back!

Hec

Cool video, i think I've seen it before.

What about an old phone (& charger somehow connected) rather than GPS tracker... then if it gets stolen use "find my phone".
A stolen phone could give more grounds for searching someone's house.