Modern Vespa

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years,

saw a speck on the horizon.

He thought to himself, 'It's certainly not a ship.' As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft. Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure in a black wet suit.

Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down thetop of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, 'Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?' 'Ten years' replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the leftsleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package ofcigars and a lighter. He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. 'Faith and begorrah,' said the castaway, 'that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!'

'And how long has it been since you've had a drop of goodBush mill's Irish Whiskey?' asked the blonde. Trembling, thecastaway replied, 'Ten years.' Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. ' 'Tis nectar of the gods!' shouted the Irishman. ' 'Tis truly fantastic!!!'

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, 'And how long has itbeen since you played around?'

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there

too

I don't get the link between the Irish and golf. Am I missing something?

Many of your jokes have an Irish connection, usually the names; haven't you got any sexist jokes instead?

Yeah, jokes aren't nearly as funny when they hit too close to home.

Let's stick to jokes about gay Harley bikers. Well...okay...maybe not such a good idea. How about mountain bike-riding terrorists?

Hey, I'm not Irish. But can you clarify the above comment please?

This was the joke no less than 1 week ago :

https://modernvespa.com/forum/topic35715?highlight=joke


Still, a good one.

My comment was just a general take-off after reading the "Are many Vespa riders gay?" post that many people are currently commenting on. One person said Vespa riders weren't nearly as gay as Harley riders because you can find gay Harley biker bars, but you can't find gay scooter rider bars. It wasn't directed at you, particularly since I don't know you.

Is your reply to the thread you quoted about owning the joke that the Irish are a bit thick, like say, one black person calling another black person nigga? I only ask because 'Irish jokes' have not been the done thing in the UK for quite a while.

There once was a man from planet Mars
Who was addicted to eating candy bars
He'd eat them wrapper and all
when his scooter would stall
in route to a rally through the stars

Olson Johnson: All right, we'll give some land to the n****rs and the ch**ks, but we DON'T WANT THE IRISH. - Blazing Saddles

Bushmills? Bushmills! What!



I'm a Jamison man myself. Now that's a good whiskey.

A true Irishman wouldn't turn down a good drink.

ah, so many jokes...none apropriate for forum postings....

I enjoy the jokes! They're funny. Break up the other threads about stuff we've all read a zillion times. Good for the prudes, too.

Yeah, I was thinking of a great line from the show The Wire. Couldn't really use it, it is a religious oriented quote. Tried to half-arse it, as it might have sounded in my head. And I butchered it.

I think problems start when out of the blue someone takes personal offense to a joke. Big mistake. Ruins it for everyone.

Lighten up people! You don't need to like every joke, but we aren't picking on Irishmen, gays, Italians, Jews, blacks, Americans, Germans, Harley riders or any other group.

Would anyone be offended if we directed all our jokes at Eskimos? Do any Eskimos ride scooters? Perhaps that's a group we can safely joke about.

Here is one for Italians and Jews:

Abey and Dino were childhood friends and even shared the same birthday. Abey was Jewish and Dino was Italian but they were absolute best buddies.

Came their 16th birthdays, their respective families got together and threw a great birthday party for both of them. They each received many nice gifts. In particular, Abey's father gave him a fine gold watch and Dino's father gave him a shiny nickel plated pistol.

In the days to follow, the boys discussed their gifts and each expressed an interest in the other's gift from their fathers. Abey said he really liked the pistol and Dino said he really liked the watch, so they decided to trade.

Several weeks later, Dino's father noticed that his son was wearing a nice watch. He asked the boy where the watch came from and Dino said that he traded with Abey for it. His father asked him what he traded and Dino admitted trading the pistol for the watch.

At this point, Dino's father went on a tirade. He said to his son, "Whatsa matter you? Huh? Look, someaday you gonna finda nicea girla and shesa gonna be reala beauty. You gonna geta married and have a nicea life. You gonna work very very hard and gonna makea a nicea home fora yousa wife. Onea day, you gonna comma home early anda finda youra wife inna bed with anudder guy. Whatcha gonna do? Looka ata you watch anda say 'Hey buddy, your time's up?' "

Would the joke still have worked if instead of Irishman it has just said a bloke? I think it would have. It could have just said whisky, instead of Bushmills. But there you have it, a number of characteristics rolled up into one joke.

I don't know whether you think it's okay to ascribe stereotypical characteristics to a race, religion or nationality, but I don't. You can't call someone a twat on this board but you can make such jokes. Awesome.

Unless you want to make a joke about 'eskimos'. Obviously I hate them all since that batard sold me a bodged up snowmobile.

Good one! (and I am Italian)

Q: Did you hear about the new Italian tank? A: It has one forward gear and ten reverse ones.

Q: What does the Italian battle flag look like? A: A white cross on a white background.

Q: Why does the new Italian Navy use glass bottomed boats? A: So they can steer clear of the old Italian Navy.

Q: Did you hear about the sale of Italian rifles? A: Never been used, only dropped once.

Q: Who fired the last 3 shots into Mussolini's body? A: 3,000 Italian sharp-shooters.


I hope you can get some fun from these...

Hey those are nice one-liners, but I'm more for the story build-up jokes.

Aaw, now you've got me...like an Italian.

I give up.

Q. Do yo you know why there is always a basket of hard rolls on the table at an Italian Sunday dinner? A. Ammunition.