Modern Vespa

mmmm.... comte .... happy to oblige. will take payment in cheese

edit: yippeee! we're at four pages now! and we're wittering on about coffee, cheese, and shopping!! can we maintain this level of consummate banality for another two pages?

Banality? I'll give you banality...

(Orig. by Tom Holt, apols to G&S)

I am the very model of a forum personality.
I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.
Addresses I have plenty of; both genuine and ghosted, too,
On all the countless forums that my drivel is cross-posted to.
Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining and my snivelling,
And you're the one who pays the bill, downloading all my drivelling.
My enemies are numerous, and no-one would be blaming you
For cracking my head open after I've been rudely flaming you.


I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be used to it).
I wouldn't know a valid point if I were introduced to it.
My learning is extensive but consists of mindless trivia,
Designed to fan my ego, which is larger than Bolivia.
The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as jest and drollery,
Are really just an exercise in unremitting trollery.
I say I'm frank and forthright, but that's merely lies and vanity,
The gibberings of one who's on the limits of his sanity.


If only I could get a life, as many people tell me to;
If only Mum could find a circus freak-show she could sell me to;
If I go off to Zanzibar to paint the local scenery;
If I lose all my fingers in a mishap with machinery;
If I survive to twenty, which is somewhat problematical;
If what I post was more mature, or slightly more grammatical;
If I could learn to spell a bit, and maybe even punctuate;
Would I still be the loathsome and objectionable punk you hate?


But while I have this tiresome urge to prance around and show my face,
It simply isn't safe for normal people here in cyberspace.
To stick me in "Old Sparky" and turn on the electricity
Would be a fitting punishment for my egocentricity.
I always have the last word; so, with uttermost finality,
That's all from me, the model of a forum personality.

It certainly looks like it now that Jim is truly on form. That is nearly a whole page for one post but I haven't clue what he is talking about.

Do you think we will ever get to Kent if we go shopping??? You know what Wonder Machine is like once she gets started.

bwaaaahahahahaaa.... kate's going to have to face me and dessa in the realtime shopping challenge. one of us is bound to beat her in the shoe round, though it's a toss-up who will take the prize in the food and bizarre condiments run-off.

of course you've got us all beat hands down for online and VLI (very large item) goods acquisition.

This is all working out very well isn't it. I'm just going to ring the pub and get a table for at least 10 people reserved.
More later.
Billy-no-scoot

Ok I've been on to the pub and reserved at least 10 spaces for lunch for the 15th.
I've agreed to ring them on Saturday morning around 11am to confirm the numbers so if you could all check the weather on Friday night let me know here if you are coming and I'll adjust it either way.
Sound fair ?
Billy-no-scoot

Oh dear Jim's on an angry rant and Dougs talking about Merkins with flaps.
Now I know why I'm attracted to you people. You are all just a little bit twisted. I like that in a person.
Much Love
Billy-no-scoot

Twisted? *Twisted*? You tell me I know fuck nothing, I tell you I know fuck all! ((c) "Bring on the Empty Horses", David Niven)

A bit twisted not just twisted.
Billy-no-scoot

See the world via -i. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary_unit

Ha, I accept your khalleng!

I bought some boots in Covent Garden this week - with skinny jeans they make me look a horse trainer/nazi stormtrooper/Karl Lagerfeld's dreams.

Hasn't the Queen just got a new horse? I'm sure with the 'Germanic' look she might be inclined to offer you a job....

I've got my Vespa GT200 I've got my Vespa 200 I've got my Vespa 200.
Billy-avec-scoot

Never been called twisted before. (Bent maybe.... )

Thanks for the compliment! What? Two days ahead of schedule? You like it?

PICS NOW!!!!

Oh the Erste Royal Kartoffelensalat Regiment - the application is in the post. I've always fancied trotting through Hyde Park with full fig and frogging.

Though perhaps this time I'll be able to do it on the back of a horse.

ooo, lettuce see!

pm me your mobile no and I'll send you a picture or just wait until the 15th. Wot you fink?
It's really nice.

I'm about to wash it,paint protect it,then polish it a couple of times than go and see James Bond smash the world up.
Yes I love it. 950 bloody miles.
Billy-no-scoot

And afterwards post pictures!

But no Bond spoilers, for I shan't see it until next weekend

What? You really think I am going to give you my mobile number. You might start stalking me!

I've heard of figging before, but I'm not sure if that's what you're getting at. Probably not, just my cess-pit of a mind

Note that "full fig" (your Sunday best) is very different to any ginger bottom related activities.

Bill, can't wait until 15th to see!

edit - apparently even "full fig" has a separate and filthy meaning. English, ever the vulgar tongue.

Doug why would I want to stalk you when I'm already in love with you?
Oh dear there it goes. Any straight street cred that I ever had is out the window or closet or whatever. Just don't tell my girlfriend or Nik for that matter.
Vespa GT 200 update - it's got it's first coat of Autoglym Gloss Protectant on and tomorrow it will get its first polish.
Billy-bi-scoot. Kidding for all of thsoe who don't have a sense of humour like Daily Mail readers.

Doug, trust me, do NOT give this man your mobile number!

I have the same boots alarmingly, my boyfriend luuuurves that look - must be his inner prince harry - tho he is always trying to get me to substitute a vulgar jodie-marsh miniskirt/belt for the jeans.

can't you post a picture here? we like your pictures. and we don't fancy waiting until the 15th

tell you what, if you post a picture of the scooter you have just got, i will post a picture of the scooter i may be getting. how's that sound?

Ooh! That GTS that Kelvin was going to let you test? 8) Is this the voice of experience talking?

PS Isn't it about time that this rolled on to page 5?

that's the one. he's still waiting for the dealer he got it off to send him the keys. (it's not stolen, he's got the log book but the friendly folks at 'bandit', where he purchased it seem to have misplaced the keys).

some frenchies tried to buy it off him 'as is' at the weekend but he said he'd rather sell it to me. it's not going anywhere for the moment. we shall see.

Hope they find the keys. I'm sure once you ride it you will be completely smitten. And I actually think now that you are well-used to pushing your twins up the ramp, the GTS won't really be that bad....

Aren't Bandit in Whitechapel somewhere?

OK I'll do my best to get some photos sorted out as soon as possible you you can all look at my new shitbox 200.
Husky does have a point about me having mobile numbers. I've got this irritating habit of having a thought or an idea and no matter what time of the day or night it is I'll text it to someone. Very annoying.
Hey it could have been worse I could have had a facebook page !
Billy-no-scoot

great idea, let's def. do that, I'll need to warm my hands before carrying on

really hope it's not disgusting rainy now though, we have been so good at organising it all!!! wooo look, 4 pages!

jim you're right that route is silly, I'll just follow Alex aka "the SE London man" he knows his way around that end.

now I'm going to carve some pumpkins

oh no.... this is taking a completely new direction... and I cannot help myself, IT'S JUST SO PREEEETTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY aggghhhh NO SHOPPING!!! noooooooooooo.... [size=9]noooooooooo.... [/size][size=7]noooooooooooo......[/size]

oh please stop, I've been trying to hold myself back because tomorrow, TOMORROW LADIES, there's the annual sample sale where Alex works (cannot disclose name in case there's chaos through my fault) and aghhhhhhh... I can't say much more, but trust me, I will barely sleep tonight. And I had to endure going comp shopping with work all morning today and NOT BUY ANYTHING FOR MYSELF - though I bought a wool cardi at H&M because "i needed it" and it was only £12, HONESTLY WHY DID ANYONE START ON THE SHOPPING TOPIC??? LOOK NOW WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!

PS: (and this is my last reply before I go pumpkin carve), yes Bill i shall organise the London do when our friend Rex comes all the way from over seas to sign my "I ride a Vespa motor-scooter around" tshirt, just need to check the date as I'm off to sunny Brazil for Christmas and New YEars WOOHOOOOO as of 19-Dec wooohoooooo 8)

Unfortunately the title of this is past its sell-by-date!

As of last week it IS absolutely COLD and 'ORRIBLE!

Especially in my own flat - I'm wearing a fur coat and fingerless gloves*

*Karl Lagerfeld's latest collection

keep those pointless posts coming people, we are only a page and half away from official incorporation as the 'Donkieskok SC'

will I make the 5th page???

well, if the weather keeps going from bad to worse I'll have to rsvp the night before the big day unless we do several stops to warm up, which will probably mean about 8 hours riding in a day!

RUBBISH DISGUSTING WEATHER!!!!

WM tell me more about the Lagerfelds

Man goes shopping - walks into a shop, looks for what he wants, buys it without even trying it on, takes it home and wears it one day,maybe even the next day. Keeps garment forever.

Woman goes shopping - walks into shop and finds a garment she likes then goes into 10 other shops looking for the same kind of garment to see if it's any cheaper or a variation on the theme of the aforementioned garment.Then after meeting up with her friends goes back into the first shop and buys the original garment. Takes it home, puts it on , realises she didn't really like it in the first place, puts back in the bag with the reciept and returns it to the shop to get it refunded. With the refund she then goes looking for a totally different piece of clothing like shoes.

Tell me I'm wrong.

Billy - unpopular - scoot