Modern Vespa

So in the spirit of the Holidays have you ever been asked to do this? I was asked yesterday for the first time and I am not so sure it went well.

First off our local Honey baked went out of business so I had to drive 25 miles to get there. The intersection at that mall was NYC style gridlocked, I counted 12 red light green lights before I got into the parking lot and took about 30 minutes to park.

In the line I go at honey baked, pass on the free food platter the guy was stuffing in my face, not in a real good mood about now. Hey, Let me play with my new blackberry storm in line to pass the time because that isn't working for me either and have considered RUNNING IT OVER or giving it to a kid, anything to make me not have to use a windows version phone again.

Finally get to the front of the line, I get the "hyper on 1" A type helper...

"Can I help you?"

"Ya, picking up a ham and champagne mustard, its under Meyer."

"Um, no, we don't use names for reservations, do you have a confirmation number?"

"No, I don't, I am not traveling today, I just want to pick up my ham."

"Well, without a confirmation code you will not be getting a ham today, if you would like to step to the end of the line and call your wife maybe she has it."

"Ya, if I knew how to use my new phone I would call her, here, you try."

"Back of the line sir."

"Nope, I got it."

"Honey, whats the $^%%$#^@ confirmation code for the ham."

"22X."

"Mam, its 22X."

"Nope, our confirmation codes do not end with an X, it could be a Q."

"Honestly, I am about done here, it should not be this hard to pay $70.00 for a piece of meat and some mustard."

"Well, without a confirmation number, back of the line please."

"Come on here, I have flown out of the Country easier than this, Mam, How about 22Z."

"Let me check, yes thats it, let me go get your ham."

$71.18 later I am out.

Leaving the parking lot, a guy in a Prius took advantage of my need to make a 13 point turn in the big van and cut around me and I was like "you did not just do that", I basically ran over the parkway, sidewalk and center median to get aimed the way I wanted to, OUT OF THERE.

"Honey, did you get the ham?"

"Ya, I got the ham, don't ever ask me to do that again, ever."

Merry Christmas

You should have gone on a bike!

You should post a photo of the ham in the pet container

Yes I did read the entire post. What were you thinkin' - big van at the mall this time of year.....

wow looks like the credit crunch is hitting hard on your side of the water, you queued for how long to part with $70+ for some ham????

I know, it was so fucking stupid but it was a multi-task and I was picking two scooters up.

It was SOOOOOOOOO painful.

I was thinking really bad things, lmao.

David

It's extra-special Honeybaked(tm) spiral-sliced ham. (A friend of mine used to work for them -- they cook the hams with blowtorches!)

http://www.honeybaked.com/

Personally, I'd rather eat Dungeness crab for Christmas dinner.....

I understand your frustration SDG, but you really need to put things in perspective. Afterall, look at what the pig had to go through

you got to learn to chill, lifes to short.

Next year celebrate Hanukkah, problem solved....

Yes! My experience wasn't quite as annoying but my wife did give me that call (Pick up a ham at Honey baked) and it didn't matter that it was an hour wait on the coldest day of the year, largely outside just to pay through the nose for a hunk of pig that the store 1 mile away sold (made the same way but not called "honey baked") for half the price.

Ah! The holidays!

I really shouldn't mention that Vons had spiral sliced hams on sale for $1.27/ lb this weekend. Nah. Won't mention that. Also no line.

At work here the Honey Baked Ham Company just called about a credit card.

I asked them their confirmaiton code they did not know it. I asked if the customer was named David and they sounded really confused.

I swore off the Honeybaked routine after last year - similar debacle, though with a 30+ minute wait in the line to boot.

My mother-in-law is PO'd at me, but ordered a spiral sliced ham from one of our local gourmet groceries (not Whole Foods!) and will pick it up comfortably tomorrow morning. We are also going to heat it for her as she believes that she needs to bake it at 350 for 2 hours - it's a ham! It's already cooked for f's sake!

So - 1) no more Honey Baked Ham store, 2) no more dried out ham for Xmas eve dinner and 3) mother-in-law won't speak to me for at least 1/2 the evening. Win, win and win!

Man, you just have to go the right time of day. I would never go Christmas or New Years without a "Honey Baked" Ham.

You will regret not having a Honey Baked tm when you start eating it, nothing like it.

I think half the Bad Economy is because of the News Media. Mall has been PACKED every time I go with people buying lots of stuff.

Wayne B

boyfriend bakes the damn ham. we do not queue at christmas

Appreciate your POV, but disagree - lot's of folks know how to cure and bake a ham - HBH are pretty tasty, but generic too. Grocery where I'm going has a first class butcher and the hams they sell are not some Hormel/Armour type cheapo meat - but finely done and for half the price. I've never felt like I've gotten my money's worth at HBH.

Genie,

Once you have a Honey Baked Ham you would fly over here from the UK just to get one every year.
MMMMMMMMMM HONEY BAKED Picture Homer Simpson looking at Donuts, that's me looking at a Honey Baked Ham


And who ever said they cook them with a blow torch is misinformed, they are slow baked for like 18 hours. They use the blow torch on the Honey Glazing. MMMMMM Honey Glazing

Wayne B

No Honeybaked.

Instead, tomorrow evening we'll start with oysters on the half-shell with some Sierra Nevada Stout. Then, sirloin cooked medium (rub applied this afternoon), shrimp (garlic and Parmigiano-Reggiano) with Swiss chard cooked with diced white sweet onions. Finally, a bottle of Coppola Cask Cabernet to fortify us against an evening with relatives. I f***king love making Christmas Eve dinner, then enjoying it with my wife - and now also with my baby son.

I actually have had chicken roasted with a blow-torch. It was pretty darn good.

Well, I got the Honey Baked Ham, no problem. Christmas dinner for twelve. Almost 2 feet of snow here already and another storm forecast for tomorrow. Haven't left the house in 3 days. Unheard of for western Oregon. It's looking like everyone is going to cancel out on dinner because of the weather. If I'm snowed in for the next few days, the good news is that I've got plenty of ham. (hope the wine lasts as long)

I don't believe you. Brits will always queue up, no matter what. Show them a line, and they'll get in it. Not so the French! When I lived in France, I was always amazed at the Post Office or the bank or the store, where if you try to give the person in front of you a little "space," everyone else assumes you aren't serious about doing business. At this point a mob forms around you, each person trying to squeeze in front of you by means of elbowing.

Brits are much more polite about waiting. Americans are a hybrid.

All of this waiting in line and feeling like we need to buy crap gifts for people is why we just gift ourselves and take a cruise every December. No more stress. Dave, save some ham for us.

SCREW HONEY BAKED HAM
It was worse than a Albertson's ham, lots
of greasy fat, little to no meat. One more
reason not to eat pork ever again.
What I do is go to my Brothers place to
eat and exchange gifts, I have just started
doing the re-gift idea. Thing's they give me are
not anything I can use. Last year I got a kite,
what the fuk was I going to do with this? The kite
got locked in Chris Lawrence trailer, problem solved,
A pair of readers digest binoculars, going to my half brother
Dan , he should like them. Books for my Brother and his wife
and washing car mit with shammy for my nephew, Book for my niece.
Merry fukin Xmas
8)

Yardsale, did I just hear a Bah, Humbug?

YARDSALE your starting to sound like JIMC Be glad nobody got you a muumuu for xmas I figure they make a great scooter cover

YardSale,

Guess you are hinting you may not like Honey Baked Ham?

Wayne B

A blow torch is a valid kitchen instrument, and I've promised to never use it in the garage. Again.

Sur LaTable, Williams-Sonoma, and Bed, Bath & Beyond all sell them, they're not that rare.

Yummm

Got our HBH, 12.5 lbs., took all of 35 minutes there and back (Extra 5 minutes cause they had to go back to the warehouse for more free cheesecakes). Sounds like bad kharma in cycle. But hey, enjoy the rest of the holidays....

At last I can agree with you for once! If only by direct reversal...

For it is the fat within meat that gives it the flavour that humans 'get'.

A steak without lots of marbling is just a lump of protein, might as well eat tofu (not that I would).

We get a Nueske's ham - it is delicious and they deliver it right to the doorl.

Hah!

Try to get into a Trader Joe's today or tomorrow...

Happy Holidays, all!

Oh, I forgot. Anyone know how many pounds ham will fit in the pet carrier of a GT200?

You mean person you, haha.

Heck I got her a new Benz ragtop in less than 30 but the line wasn't as long, bahahahahahaha.

Kharma is all good, we laughed so hard at our house about my dramatic trip to Honeybaked I had to share it with my MV friends.

That baby is safe in the fridge waiting for Christmas brunch.

I would say up to 15 but wait...............

What about the "no pets" sticker ?

SDG

I think at this point it may be called an "ex-parrot" errr "ex-pet"

My roommate had me go get the Honeybaked ham for Christmas once. I actually got in and out of line pretty quickly, partly because we had one reserved. I had a big milk crate on the scoot rack, so I wasn't worried about transport.

When I got out, some asswipe in an SUV was picking up my scooter off the ground. Apparently, he figured he could try and squeeze into my spot, even though I was parked perpendicular to the curb, on my center stand.

I gave him a good stern lecture about parking like an idiot and moving other people's property in front of about 100 people (those standing in line outside), including his family sitting in the vehicle. Had I been on something other than an old junker of a Yamaha Riva 180, I would have also been getting his insurance info. As it was, I couldn't see any new cracks in the bodywork.

By the look that was on his face, I don't think he'll ever try to steal a scooter spot again.

Even so, I count Honeybaked Ham as one of those places I just have bad luck at with a scooter, and try to avoid at all costs.

We ordered a Dearborn ham this year. Whole ham, cost $85, but it got here, just in time. I stocked up on cheese and bread for the leftovers.

Bought my step monster a honey baked last Christmas; $65.00! She didn't realize it was already cooked. 3hours later is was ham jerky! What a waste!

I picked up our 9 lb.Thanksgiving Honey-Baked ham on the scooter. Very easy. I'm getting used to dodging all the crazy Prius drivers.

I had a sample of the spiral-cut ham at Costco the other day. It's actually better.

I know what I'm getting next year. (And my local Costco has dedicated motorcycle/scooter parking right in front of the entrance.)