Modern Vespa

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir. That's £60 and 6 points on your license

The driver says, 'Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'F..k it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an additional £30 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'Why don?t You shut the f..k up??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'











The wife says, 'Only when he's pissed.'

Good joke. Have heard it before when the punch line was "Only when he's been drinking."

(Edit) Oh, it's from across the pond. Perhaps over there, pissed means the same thing as drinking/drunk.

very nice

That joke reminds me of the Dick Emery Show. He had a father & son sketch where every week the dad would nick something and then as they are leaving the son would indirectly grass them up to the shop keeper.
"Not now son!!"
"But Dad..."

Showing your age there my lad!!!

[quote="Oultondave"] True true.

[quote="Papa J"] Shouldn't it be Grandpapa J