Modern Vespa

Well its good to know it wasn't a deadly lurgi, Alice.

I had a nice ride the other day with one of those chaps who looks like but taint fuzz. He sat in the mirror all the way from the E&C. I rode very correctly (not so many speedy Gonzalez starts as usual). Couldn't work out if he was fuzz and didn't want to be stopped.

Anyway, I stopped at a cross roads for the red, and he kept going. Sat himself in the middle of the junction. Waved at me. I sat behind the red, and he waved at me at again.... I then took the lead again all the way to Kings College Hospital when he peeled off into Accident and Emergency.

This story is a long way of saying that ambulance bikers are nice men but they don't half like staring at your arse.

It's not just Ambulance Riders, I think it's any man that just like looking at ladies arses.

It's what we do.

Oddly enough eventhough I like to look at posters of women in underwear in shop windows I still feel very conflicted, especially when I'm out with my lady.

Bill XX

At least it made sense to one person. I guess I could have referenced it better. With all the kittehs running all over the place, you may not have remembered it.

Have fun with the kittehs. I nearly ended up with a bull dog mix last week. She was 17 months old and very sweet. The local SPCA was at the basketball game we went to. My wife fell in love with "Lola". In the end, it was not to be.

I shall quote my good lady: "it doesn't matter where you get your appetite, so long as you dine at home".

And on that note, I'm off to bed, having drunk five pints. Wish me luck!

Not everyone gets their arse waved across a red light. That's a real distinction.

I had a kidney infection and I have never felt so lousy in my life. Right, carry on.

I know I have not contributed greatly to the Donk-a-thon recently, so today I am posting a tasty treat.

Ooh, I am sorry because that can be v grim - everything okay now though?

I still have a fair bit of back and stomach pain, which my GP assures me is all muscular and I should just continue necking painkillers. This weekend's riding activities, to which I had been looking forward for some months, will probably have to be cancelled, but mustn't grumble.

6 lbs. of pre-formed spunk. mmm, tasty

alice, glad to hear you're recovering. kidney infections are no fun - i used to get them frequently when i was younger. just keep throwing those painkillers down your throat.

Cut up no less than four times today by L plate nutbag on a GT 125. Get ahead each time and loony overtakes on the Walworth Road by any means necessary. Decide that this nutcase needs a wide berth and hang back.

She careered into the back of a van after launching her Vespa onto the E&C at 25 mph. It helps to look ahead. She was not injured.

And my brain started to think "stupid Vespa riders...."

What is it with L-platers these days? A lot of them seem to have a death wish. I have devised a little game where I ride along behind them perfectly positioned in either of their rear view mirrors and time how long it takes them to notice me. If their mirrors aren't adjusted properly, I give them a wide berth. There is also a twat on a PX 125 on my commute, who is pig slow, has removed his mirrors (presumably to look cooler) and completely incapable of doing a lifesaver. He gets an even wider berth.

Doug, its the riding school of the unguided missile....

What a tube! I've never really encountered much madness from anyone else on two wheels as yet. I'm waiting though.

I once raced another courier through traffic past Vauxhall or Southwark and as it was getting silly I backed off because it was all getting a bit too competitive. He overtook me on the right and soon after he slammed his GT550 into the back of a black MG Metro which had stopped for a red light.

I kinda slowed down after that for a while.

Bill X

Was he injured?

He didn't break anything but the GT was totalled.

Boy I used to see some sights.

Bill X

Lady scooterista arses?

And just catching up -

Very sorry Maver, I lost my mum on 3 March and I can agree that it is truly horrible. We all had a quick trip to Florida for the send off and I managed to keep it well in check until I spoke for her at the service. Incredible.

What's worse is that I'm her executor and I have to deal with a greedy bastard lawyer who's trying to abscond with some well intended money given to protect her estate. Sadly, she died before the forms could even be returned and yet he refuses to return even a partial amount of the retainer as it was "non-refundable". We shall see about that.

Kittehs! Looks like you have a twin of my scooter-riding "Bentley" there.


Infections! (Recover soon please, Alice!)

Spunkmeyer! I always chortle when I see that, it's everywhere here.

L-platers! Not applicable, but most of the time I wish that we had a more robust rider training system in the states. I think that 50cc riders are the worst. Absolutely deadly in all phases of traffic.

Carry on, my dears, and live well.

cheers for stopping by ronin nice to see you.

i'm off to get kittehs this morning after much thought i've decided i can only take two (especially as there is a little ginger and white boy who has just started hanging around the place) so the 'little family' will have to wait for another kind soul to give them a home.

i'll post pictures this afternoon.

Kitten pictures will make my Friday

I should admit that in the early days of my riding-in-London career I myself went into the back of a Royal Mail van on the E&C. I wasn't nutbagging, though, merely doing shoulder checks so diligently I forgot to look where I was going

Thanks for the good wishes, everyone. Bit more comfortable today.

Glad you're feeling a little better Alice. I don't quite see you as a nutbag either - and I did (do) plenty of stupid things on my scooter too, though I didn't attempt to string them all together in a big commute of stupid.

Kittens will make us cheer up - if you take one a day, the effect is much like chocolate on the brain.

it was very difficult to chose only two kittehs, but in the end i've brought home a mum (about 18 months old) and her baby (about 4 months old). Mum took about five minutes to suss that this was her home and has settled in as though she was born here. Baby is a bit shy, and still hasn't come out of the cat carrier.

Here's mum, who is named Alita. She's a bit tubby from having been kept in a cage for so long, but we've already had about four playtimes, and she's enjoying running up and down the stairs, so i'm sure she'll have her slim figure back soon. Pictures of baby (Bindi) to follow as soon as she decides to emerge

Oh, she is lovely! I dote on brick-red cat noses.

I do hope Bindi looks like a miniature copy of her mum. Carbon copy cats are so cute.

Oh Atila is pretty - a proper tigger. Good choice!

Congrats on the new cats genie. My office cat Toon (Yes, I get to work with a 2 friendly cats actually. ) seems to thinks Atila is quite the looker.

lovely cat genie.

glad you're feeling better alice.

i've been a bit ill too. we've got friends coming round for dinner tonight. The last time we saw them was 4 weeks ago. i didn't know it at the time but was coming down with shingles. we had a pint in the pub and when we returned to their house i literally fell through the front door and demolished a table in their hallway.

2 days later i fell asleep at the wheel of my car on sutherland avenue in the middle of the day.

the next day i found myself driving my car the wrong way down baker street, slumped behind the wheel and the next day i came out in a shingles rash that explained why all this wierd shit had been happening.

i've been pretty much laid up for the last 3 weeks, although i've been back at work for a while now, and am very much looking forward to lying on an indian beach next friday with a cold bottle of kingfisher in my hand.

shingles? that's pretty serious kam - glad you're okay now. a beach and a bottle of kingfisher sound like absolutely the best way to complete your cure

Alice - baby doesn't look anything like mum - she's all black and looks like a little piece of burnt string. i love orange cat noses too ...

cheers for all the compliments on lovely mum - i'm sure there will be more pictures soon. p.s. her name is Alita, not Attila!! (i wouldn't name a kitteh after a Hun)

Shingles. My Dad had that a few years back and he's not one for moaning but that really didn't seem much fun, so I feel for you.

I've never had chickenpox myself.

A lady walked into a Audi dealership just to browse. Suddenly she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen and walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped.
Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a salesperson hadn't been near. But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman.
With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that, if you farted simply from touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price."

Ooh, Kam, that sounds nasty. Glad you're feeling better too! *ded from qte*

Good heavens Kam, that can happen from Shingles? Take care of yourself and continue your recovery.
As far as the Kingfisher, the Dr. in me has always maintained that holding one can be therapeutic, but actually drinking one can be even better!

Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled ?" "No" she replies "its just regular porn you sick bastard"

Maver, you're on fire this evening!

Shingles - yuk, sorry to hear that Kam, it can take a while to fully recover.

Alita - lovely! Looking forward to the baby pics.

Very cute Kitteh Genie. Does she have an eye problem. My cat suki has that same dark line on the inside of her left eye caused from a chronic herpes infection which is common in rescue cats.

A biker goes to the Doctor with hearing problems "Can you describe the
symptoms to me". "Yes.....Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marg is a skinny bird with big blue hair!!"

i don't think she's got an eye problem - it's just that mascara-eye look that some tabbies have.

she's bizarrely cuddly - she adores being held while i rub my chin against the top of her head, and she's been purring almost continuously since she arrived.

Wonder Machine, it would appear that we go in opposite directions for part of our commute? I travel from Herne Hill to Ilford - so I take the Walworth Road to the Elephant.

Yes I zip into Covent Garden a few times a week from Dulwich (South London newbie). Its a lot easier to ride there than it was in Hammersmith - I used to foresee my own death every day on the gyratory. West London drivers are aggressive!

If the face off I had with a teenage boy the other day on his Aprilia Sportcity is anything to go by, I lack the skillz - I should be able to do a power slide/skid. I am really enjoying my commutes these days, as there is virtual guarantee that I'll see something funny on the way.

Shingles ? Oh I've had that and it's really unpleasant but you knew that already didn't you Kam.

I'm sorry that you are suffering with it. I've had the hat trick - Chicken Pox, Shingles and I suffer from Coldsores whenever I'm feeling run down and I believe all three are related.

Sorry I've been quiet but I've been having a few work related problems to deal with recently and they have clouded my mood somewhat.

On a lighter note though the Hornet has finally been cured.

We bumped into Laurence from Scootech last night in the pub and he mentioned we could borrow a spare pair of clocks for a GT if we needed to use it as a control so we dropped by this morning to collect it and got Genie an oil filter and off to Doug's we rode with our bounty.
So after arriving there we got our priorities sorted out and it was off up the pub for lunch and a catch up.
Later back at Doug's he stripped the headstock and traced the reason for the faulty temperature gauge to a loose connection Hoorah ! so once that was sorted he rebuilt the headstock while doing a slight adjustment to the steering which has always been about 2mm out.
But as soon as we turned the ignition back on the dash lights refused to work.
Thinking it was the ignition switch ( which has been causing a few problems recently ) I jumped on the Hornet and rode back to Scootech for another one while Genie and Doug attended to the Interlopers oil and filter change.
I got back in record time while dodging the showers and then Doug changed the switch. It worked beautifully but still no dash lights. Arse
After much cursing and testing the "lecky" bits with a circuit tester the fault found to be a blown fuse which when replaced turned my dash into a Christmas tree.
So now I have a gauge that works, and ignition switch that does the same and I'm deeply in debt to Doug for his patience and persistence.

Thank you Doug. You are my Hero and I can't thank you enough.

By the way both Alita and Bindi are totally utterly and unbelievably gorgeous in a cat type fashion.

Edit - I rode Doug's GTS 250 today and I really enjoyed it even with the tall screen.
Quite a bit more low down grunt to it and a very smooth transmission plus I was very impressed with the Pirelli tyres.
They feel like a cross between with my Michelins and Genie's Heidenaus.
The trouble is every time I ride a 250 or 300 I start to think shall I sell the Hornet and upgrade ?
Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with it, it's got only 7k on the clock, it's immaculate and apart from a little bit more grunt off the lights it does everything else I want it to.
It cruises at 70 - 75 mph all day long, is brilliant in the corners and looks stunning in it's Vintage Green colour scheme so what really would I be gaining ?
So I'm thinking of putting it up for sale for a reasonable price and if it sells I'll be looking at a replacement and if it doesn't well it wasn't meant to be.

Bill XX