Modern Vespa

So I am sitting here waiting on the kids to wake up, 6:45 am and at 8:00 am we all take our lovely middle child Megan off to College.

It is sinking in fast and as excited as we are for her to go to a great UC school for the next 4 years I suddenly feel heartbroken.

She is an awesome young lady, she won't be home again until Turkey day.

The circle of life is kicking my ass this morning.

SDG

Megan's a great girl. There's not much she can't handle. Now, when Jordan's getting ready to leave for college, then we can start worrying.

My daughter just started her second year, its a lot easier after you see them come home a time or two. Always amazes me how fast she grew up, people always told me that would happen but you never really believe them. Hang in there, the older we get the nicer it is to watch your kid/s become independent

It is a bummer when the kids head out....Not to play the "it could be worse" game, but I have a son (a U.S. Marine) who is headed to Afghanistan in a few months.
I guess all we can do is hope we raised 'em right and let them leave the nest.

I'm sure your daughter will do well and have a great time too!

Hang in there!

Been there and done that three times, David. When our last one moved into the college dorms, and the house was empty, it was really a strange feeling.

That was a couple of years ago, now we love it. We also really enjoy having the kids come home on weekends and for holidays, and we go to see them and enjoy those visits too.

David, Skype is your friend. Both you and Megan sign up for Skype. Download the program and get each of you an account. Skype will use the built-in webcam from your laptop for video conferencing. If you need a webcam, the Logitech "WebCam Pro" for desktop computers, or the Logitech "Portable Webcam C905" for laptops is great. Both of them are 2-megapixels so you get the highest quality video and sound possible. It'll seem like she's just in the other room. Trust me.

You give her a vespa so she gets the best parking on campus thats how,

+1! No, literally, plus 1. I'm very proud to say that we have 4 college grads (100%), and this has added enormously to our lives. Things are different than when we went to college, and the rush of new ideas and ways of looking at things when they visit will keep you young. Most people fear that they are getting old when their kids leave the nest. Relish in their new experiences, and it is guaranteed to have the opposite effect.

BTW, which UC? Ours were UC Davis, UCLA, Cal Poly SLO and U of Pacific.

Dude, I am so feeling your pain. Tomorrow I drive my son down to UCSB for his first year of college. Everyone else always said it, but I'm really wondering "where the hell did the time go"? I'm really excited for him, but I sure as hell will miss having him around the house. But having more freedom to take trips with my wife will certainly be a big upside. I just hope I don't start crying in front of his roommate when I say goodbye and head off.
JR

Don't worry. They call you when they need money.

Been there, still doing that.

There's a great book: "You're on your Own (but I'm here if you need me) Mentoring your child during the College Years". Marjorie Savage, 2003. She's the Parent Program Director at the U of Minnesota and parent too. I found her advice dead-on, and managed to avoid several blunders along the way by reading the book.

After taking my girl, (who I am very close to) to college 2 years ago and getting rid of (ok, that didn't sound right) several teen-aged foster children, our house felt kind of empty too, for about 2 months. Now, I love seeing them, but am learning to let them be their own adults.

She's just now in an apartment, and that too has been an adjustment, because she lives 30 minutes away-too close to stay overnight anymore, but far enough away that we have our own lives. It's tempting to go down there to see her, but I don't. I've learned.

Hang in there. Stay busy, and don't forget to send her REAL (snail) mail and packages from home!

I have two daughters. This process started for us a few years back and continued this past weekend. My oldest left for college in '01 and now lives on the other coast. The youngest left our home in '03, but only this past weekend moved an hour away from our town. You have some very pleasant experiences just around the corner, graduation, maybe a wedding. But you also will have time for yourself. My advice... focus on something else for awhile. If you can open yourself to it, you will rediscover the things that you enjoyed before you started the wonderful journey of child rearing. I was able to adapt fairly quickly, my wife took longer. We really enjoy our time together now and love having them drop in. This past June, we all took a vacation together and they are great fun as adults. Best of luck!

Hi David,

I have been through this with two daughters - they both went to Humboldt State. Lots of ups and downs as they gained their own life experiences. I am a psychotherapist, and a lot of my education focused on individual development, especially the separation process for the young person becoming an independent adult.

Nowhere was it stated how difficult it is for the parents! This is a major event on our lives as well, and part of our own continuing emotional growth and development.

The wonderful thing is that now, at ages 28 and 31, while we are still a help and resource to them, they are to us as well, bringing new perspectives into our lives.

And always surprises. Our younger daughter is staying with us right now as she relocates back to L.A and is finding work. We never thought we would ever be sharing a house with two rescue greyhounds!

I know what you are going through....our #1 kid is in her 3rd year of school and is here this weekend to visit. It will just never be the same. It's still good, just not the same good.

Our one and only just started his senior year of college. The house was very quiet when he left for his freshman year, particularly since our little dog died of cancer 2 weeks before he left. We ended up getting another rescue dog a couple months later.

At first we had to make his plane reservations, etc, and now he's a big boy and does everything himself. We haven't even been to his school since we dropped him off in his freshman year. He flies there, arranges the for the shuttle, and arranges for storage during the summer.

Because he's across country we only see him at Christmas and Spring Break and the summer. Last year he didn't come home for Spring Break. We talk every week on the phone but it's still hard.

UC Santa Barbara

O.K. She is there, her roommate is a sweetheart and we are home. Wild emotional ride for us, she seem's to be doing just fine.

Tonight will be weird with "just the 4 of us".

Thanks for the insight guys.

Best,
David

Just did it, same school !!

Lets hook em up, haha.

Best,
SDG

You are going to have a heavy lump in your throat when you drop her off. Just make it a quick goodbye and walk away. My worse farewell was leaving my son at the airport when he was heading off the catch the military flight for Iraq. I stood in the parking lot with tears streaming down my face as I watched the plane take off. Then I sat in the car for ten minutes trying to compose myself for the ride home. Bring a very cold bottle of water with you.

Years away from that, David. it's a world away for me. Completely incomprehensible. Crazy.

I'll bet it's a bit weird, strange, and foreign feeling...

It literally feels exactly like that !!

Oh and thanks Rex !

SDG

I guess that's what we raise them for. Our goal is to raise children into effective adults and this is just one step of the process.

Good Luck.

You know, do you remember when you first moved out of your parent's house, maybe to a dorm, and even though it was probably supposed to be exciting (and maybe you managed to believe at the time it was), it was somewhat isolating and distant - where everything looked distant and unfamiliar? That strange place between a muted world, and one where the volume of everything is turned up to 10 - as if the noises that weren't there made the loudest noises... you notice the differences, as little as they are, magnified tremendously. The rest of the bits that make up life, they seemed, "off", even if it was the same thing you always did. Just the new place, and the missing faces, changed it so significantly.

I'd imagine it's a bit like that. I think that's kind of the reaction people tend to have when large shifts happen in people's lives.

I know exactly that feeling of moving out and the rest of what you speak makes so much sense. As much as Megan is excited about all this just like you describe I certainly could see a little twitch on her face today, the kind that only a parent would recognize as some level of anxiety.

I texted her once, she texted me back, late, haha.

She has her wings now, just like our eldest, go get em girl.

Thanks so much friends for the responses to my post this morning.

My best,
David

It's rough. Our only daughter moved out about four years ago and it's still a bummer not having her around.

She's living in Hollywood working for the Weinstein Company and playing in band, so we don't get to see much of her at all. We spent a week with her, in LA, back in July and that was the first time to see her in almost two years. She came back for a few days, a month ago, to be in her friend's wedding. Now I don't know when we'll see her again.

We're all pretty tight, and we talk on the phone regularly, and keep in touch with facebook too, so that helps a little.

She's out there loving life and making her way in the world, and making us proud. It feels good to know she's happy, but it's still tough not seeing her regularly.

Both of our daughters are over at Oklahoma State. The first few weeks were difficult for my wife but we have adjusted to daily phone calls, weekly drives over to Stillwater and occasional weekend visits home (sure to pick up after football season). We are getting used to having the house to ourselves.

Stillwater, at 54 miles on back roads, is an awesome Vespa ride.

George

Boy do I feel it. My oldest (son) just went to college 3 weeks ago. I don't like it, no, not one bit. Just when they get old enough to really become your friends they go away.

Nope, don't like it one bit. Not at all.

Took my son to Christopher Newport University here in Virginia back in August. Very strange and sad after his being in the house the last 18 years. He's been home twice already (ex-girlfriend trouble which is now past) and my wife and I visited him this weekend for "Parents' Weekend." While I'm sad that he's gone, it's really a joy to seem him find his "place" and create his own life in a new town. He gets along well with his roomate and loves the school -- you really can't ask for more. The most notable part of his absence is our lower grocery bills -- nothing like removing an 18 year old male mouth and stomach from the family for awhile.

Of course we will go through this again in two years when our daughter goes away. At that time the house will be empty -- now that's going to be hard to deal with.

Both of my sons are out of college, have jobs they like, and the younger one is buying a house. Even though we don't see them as often as we would like, knowing that they are responsible, productive adults is a great feeling. My only regret is that my own parents passed away before they could see what awesome adults the two of them have become. Hang in there parents, your love and hard work will carry your kids through. It's kind of what it's all about.

Wait until you get your new water bill!!

Still doesn't make up for tuition, but it's still nice to see SOMETHING drop in price!

Today was my turn for bawling my eyes out. It's my son's 2nd year, but it wasn't any easier this time around. You think you're doing fine, keeping your emotions in check, going about your business, and then you walk past their room, emptied of all their personal things, and you just lose it! In a day or two I'll be fine, and then I'll attack his bathroom and bedroom with all the cleaning supplies and sterilize the place! Teenage boys are not the tidiest creatures.

The good news -- you're a parent forever.

The bad news -- it doesn't feel like that when they leave for college.

Took our youngest to University of Arizona two years ago. As the last of four, it never gets any easier. After a year and a half, she came back to Atlanta on her own accord... She's home now, attending Georgia State.

The payoff was seeing how much she'd grown up in the intervening "on her own" time. She was awesome before she left and she's even more awesome now.

As other posters have said, it's the cycle. Gettin' older ain't for sissies, for sure...

Well I guess it's time I put in my $0.02.

All 3 of our children are in college. Our middle child, a boy is going to college only 3miles from home. He only comes home when he needs his laundry done and wants some of his mothers home cooking.

Our youngest child, a boy, is in his 2nd year at a college about 40 miles from home. He gets to come home on weekends with the exception of this time of year. He plays in the school band and this is football season.

We just moved our oldest daughter to Macomb, IL to attend a graduate program at Western Illinois University. She's now 813 miles from home. This after going to college within commuting distance from home and a couple years working while she worked, researched, and applied to graduate programs. The trip was a weekend trip moving her up there and helping her get started setting up her apartment. I'm not a real emotional person, other than anger at times, at least not like her mother but the apartment, inside and out, and the area around it are etched into my mind. I can pull the sights up in my mind like a slide show whenever I want to.

She calls her mother regularly and keeps her updated on things, or sometimes just to say hello. This keeps mom somewhat satisfied. It's hard to go into the "mother-in-law" suite which was her private area and see it almost devoid of her belongings. She's going to be gone for the better part of 3 years except for some holiday visits. She's the first of the 3 to have to go more than a couple hours drive to follow the road she has set for her life. She is always in our memories and our hearts. The most difficult part is the fact that she almost died in December 2001 due to a brain tumor. While not going into details due to the thread title she is our miracle child.