Modern Vespa

This is not about religion. It's about your idea of perpetual displeasure.

To begin with, mine is attending the worst wedding reception ever, where all of the guests are drunk, the food is a repugnant paste, the music is an endless loop of Chris de Burgh's 'Lady in Red', the bride and groom are hideous, and all of my ex-girlfriends have turned up with their current partners who are slightly more attractive than I am. My hairy-top-lipped grandmother won't stop kissing me, and I can't find the exits.

Birreh

XX

a very long queue full of pram-pushing mums with screaming sprogs at T.K. Maxx in Romford

alternative scenario: a smoky jazz club with a band playing that awful toneless noodly jazz whilst looking very pleased with themselves, and it's just that bit too loud to talk over without screaming.

any bus in July.

Other people. Quote stolen from someone famous.....

A Jimmy Buffett concert in a seaside venue surrounded by boats full of partying Parrotheads. I would have a funnel down my throat connected to a constant flow of pina coladas. An endless line of aging (badly!) men in grass skirts with no shirts would be limboing in front of me.

I could think of other Hells, but I'm still cringing in fear after imagining that one.

Being part of a homeowners association in a subdivision consisting primarily of retired folk who have nothing better to do than ride around in golf carts to snoop on the neighbors and make complaints the board about anything they think is against the covenants. (my current hell).

Being a board member of the above mentioned association that has to listen to all the petty complaints. (also my current hell but not for much longer).

A cold snow covered land a thousand miles from the sea. Only empty Petrón bottles and rotten limes. Blow outs in both my tires and my flip-flops. Rips in my aloha shirts, and the only parrot was grilled as yesterday's dinner. And, of course there is only stale beer, and all the strippers have STDs. Why FSM, why??

MOCKER

MOCKER: kind of like this?

I thought we were talking about hell. Not HEAVEN.

Sitting in a Vegetarian restaurant listining to pipped folk music

make that PIPED music

an endless company xmas party.

Hell would be going to bed with the alarm set for 6:00 a.m. and hearing the low pounding bass of some sort of techno music coming through the walls. I would try to ignore it, but I couldn't. It would get quieter and then louder, and then quieter again, but it would always be there and stay at the same annoyingly perfect 120 beats per minute, and it would only ever be the bass drum, no other tones or melodic elements whatsoever.

I would go outside, but it wouldn't be the people downstairs, or the guy next door, or anyone in the building. In fact, you would hardly be able hear it outside.

But back in bed, it would still be there. It wouldn't even sound like dance music, or anything fun at all; it would sound like music for Nazis to march to, or a lullaby for the braindead. It would sound like the end of common decency.

Chad, I'm with you on the company Christmas party thing. Some of my worst festive moments have been spent at Christmas parties and I think I may have walked out of at least two of them after the drink started to flow and everybody wants to be your best friend.

I would have to agree too. I have seen one firing, one demotion and 3 divorces (in two of these the couples swapped partners) that were the results of after christmas party carnage. Bad stuff.

Being stuck back at the Super-dome in NOLA, 1 day post Katrina, and all around me are the walking and not-walking wounded...

'nuff said.

Childbirth. That is why I only had one. Lesson learned. 4 days in the hospital and I almost bled to death.

Or how about waking up during surgery... Thank God this never happened to me.

Finding a person being the chef in a high-end restaurant when he should have worked for the pharmaceutical industry, applying his skills of making things tasteless THERE.

scooterless

A work colleague recently found out he is in a small percentage of people who have a resistance to anaesthetic. He found out during his vasectomy operation....Jesus fellas, I'm nearly in tears just thinking about it.

He is also possibly the only person to leave hospital after a vasectomy with a black eye. He stood up, passed out and clipped a table on the way down. I have no plans to get in a car with him anytime soon.

In Heaven...
- the mechanics are German
- the chefs are French
- the police are British
- the lovers are Italian
and everything is organized by the Swiss.

In Hell...
- the mechanics are French
- the police are German
- the chefs are British
- the lovers are Swiss
and everything is organized by the Italians.


Cheers,
Bob

L'enfer, c'est les autres.
-Sartre

I did grow up with Live You Had To Be There on constant repeat on the car 8-track player. Have pity on me

My idea of hell? I've been there just recently - completely useless, unnecessary and idiotic double yellow lines on country roads for miles on end.

Actually it's not so bad once you decide to ignore them...

Hell? It has been sunny and 80 here all week.... and my scooter is still in the shop..

Having spiders and cochroaches crawl over me while I am being administered multiple shots with very long, painful needles Maybe I shouldn't have posted that. I wouldn't want it to end up being used in something like The Game.

I feel your pain. I grew up with musical theater people, so I alter my hell to include my sister singing any song from Annie over, and over, and over.

I'm a musical theatre person AND a lapsed Parrothead... so I'll be populating BOTH your private hells. BWAA-HA-HA!

Maybe I'll bring a ukulele...

Five days of over 40% chance of rain after a weekend of great weather with no free time.

Alright, now we're going to get the party started!

No no, now lets get this party started right!

As you're putting your key in the front door lock, you hear your alarm clock going off.

Not getting divorced and re-married 15 years ago.

Being anywhere in proximity to someone's screaming, squealing or shrieking child with the oblivious parents doing nothing.

From USDOT

Striping, four inch stripes, $9504 per mile ($1.80 per linear foot)

Paint manufacturers have their own twist

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m3724/is_n4_v56/ai_13985585/

Not only should there be a law, I say jail time!

+1 heheh

I can't choose between Kay and Emma!

School reunion!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh

Spurzzzzzzzzzzzzz EVER winning the EPL.

Chelski winning the Champions League BEFORE Arsenal.

Kylie getting old and ugly.

The end of fossil fuel.................

Living in a seaside holiday town (heaven) that is overrun by rough arses - mainly from the Midlands - at holiday times, taking over the streets, shops, pubs and restaurants (hell)...

...rotund middle aged blokes in string vests with the fashion faux pas that is the socks and sandals combo...

...obnoxious chav kids...

... and truly some of the scariest women I have ever set eyes upon, dripping in cheap jewellery (Elizabeth Duke at Argos) and home made tattoos, kick the living crap out of you as soon as look at you...

You get the picture...?

Best,

Mark