OP
@phuocsandiego avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
Former owner of an ET4, GTS 250, BV 500, and Buddy 150
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Molto Verboso
@phuocsandiego avatar
Former owner of an ET4, GTS 250, BV 500, and Buddy 150
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UTC quote
Well guys, it looks like my scooter riding days are almost over.

I'm going to get married soon (within a year) and the fiance says she worries about me riding the scooters, especially on the freeway.

And since I don't want her to worry all the time about me, I'm thinking I need to sell them.

No doubt some will think I'm overreacting or whatever, but she does have a point. I know the other side of the argument, enjoy your life, etc.

So am I wrong to be thinking like this?

(Oh and that means no scooters in Paris either... but perhaps she'll let me keep one for fun now and again but definitely no more commuting on them.)
@monit avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
GTS 300
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Molto Verboso
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UTC quote
A job is dangerous, public transport is dangerous, walking is dangerous, I've had 4 wives, THEIR DANGEROUS Crying or Very sad emoticon Crying or Very sad emoticon
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UTC quote
And remember to put the seat down!
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UTC

Molto Verboso
Burgman 650 (May, 2012) MP3 500 (11/2009 - 5.2012)
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Molto Verboso
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UTC quote
My sister made her husband sel his bike when they got married.. I think it's a power thing.. they do it because they think they should.. and then the guy eventually gets a new one after a while.. My wife was pissed when I got my MP3.. She got over it..
@charlesm avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
GTS 250ie (Nicked) GTS300 Super (Sold before nicked), 2001 PX (green)
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Molto Verboso
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UTC quote
Monit wrote:
, I've had 4 wives, THEIR DANGEROUS Crying or Very sad emoticon Crying or Very sad emoticon
You clearly do not learn your lesson~!! If you had 3 bad scooter accidents would you not quit?

Quitting seems rather drastic but hey, its your life, your choice. My wife is the nervous type (she counts the life vests on ferries whenever we get on one) but has never been concerned about the scooter and rides on it regularly and the kids come on it too (once they are about 9 or 10).

Be sensible, wear all the gear and perhaps, if you have not already, do an advanced motorcycling course.

Charles.
@scootergirl72 avatar
UTC

Hooked
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Hooked
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UTC quote
phuocsandiego wrote:
Well guys, it looks like my scooter riding days are almost over.

I'm going to get married soon (within a year) and the fiance says she worries about me riding the scooters, especially on the freeway.

And since I don't want her to worry all the time about me, I'm thinking I need to sell them.

No doubt some will think I'm overreacting or whatever, but she does have a point. I know the other side of the argument, enjoy your life, etc.

So am I wrong to be thinking like this?

(Oh and that means no scooters in Paris either... but perhaps she'll let me keep one for fun now and again but definitely no more commuting on them.)
Wow. That is a drastic move. I couldn't imagine asking my husband to sell or get rid of something that brings him happiness and joy. I got married almost 3 years ago and totaled my scooter almost 2 years ago. The time I was without one was tough on both of us. He wasn't super excited about me getting another one, but understood what it means to me.

Does your to-be-wife know you're considering getting rid of them? Can you live peacibly with her or will you say "you made me get rid of them"?

Sounds like some sort of agreement is needed and that getting rid of the scooter(s) is pretty drastic.
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Veni, Vidi, Posti
09 GTS (sold) 2014 NC700XD
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UTC quote
My wife made me buy my Vespa a few days before we got married. Granted, we needed a second vehicle, but I had the feeling she was more excited than I was.

She was a bit apprehensive about me riding after our daughter was born, but never asked me to sell it.

She hates riding btw...
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UTC

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2016 Honda NC750XD, 2007 GTS (sold),
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Hooked
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UTC quote
Not a chance would I do that, my mrs once said she didn't like the idea of me getting back on them after a big crash, once I explained to her that I'd be around the house more if i was no longer riding she soon come round to my way of thinking. I thought I'd won that battle but 2yrs on and she comes out with me..... Crying or Very sad emoticon
@monit avatar
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Molto Verboso
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Molto Verboso
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UTC quote
I think what we need is an advanced wife course. One where they learn about the things that make a man, a man.

Oh no this forum's turning me into a redneck Crying or Very sad emoticon I'm sorry. I promise I'll be more sensitive from now on and get in touch with my inner self before posting.
⚠️ Last edited by Monit on UTC; edited 1 time
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Honda CTX 700 DN Automatic Motorcycle
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Veni, Vidi, Posti
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UTC quote
I hope this is really your decision, and you are not just trying to make someone else happy.

If you feel this is the best decision for you, and your happiness, then I am sorry to see you go.

But hopefully you will come back to the fold after you have a couple kids and a few years of marriage under your belt.

I am sure your kids will love seeing photos and videos of their dad out riding on his scooter.
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Veni, Vidi, Posti
2007 GTS
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Veni, Vidi, Posti
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UTC quote
ask really high prices for them. then when they don't sell you just have to keep them. Also throw in the being green thing.
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UTC quote
As long as it is your decision, do what you have to do. Every case is different, so I don't think that calls to "act like a man" are really appropriate. Sometimes the "manly" thing to do is to understand where your spouse is coming from, and accept that you need to give up something of yourself for the woman you love.

That said, however, it may be a good exercise in spousal compromising to see if you two can agree on a solution that will allow you to keep at least one of your scoots (no highways, no regular commuting, toreador pants etc). And it would also be understandable if a commitment was made to quit completely if/when kids are in the picture.

Believe me, you'll need to really hone your negotiating skills for the future, so why not start here!
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UTC quote
She will always worry about something, if that is her nature.
@treppenwitz avatar
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saggezza di scala
2009 'Burma Shave' Red GTS 250ie
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saggezza di scala
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UTC quote
When I got married 20 years ago my wife made me promise to give up riding a motorcycle. I wasn't happy, but given a choice of her or riding, it was a no brainer.

A couple of years ago when I started talking about getting a scooter, for some reason she saw it as somehow safer than a motorcycle. I didn't try to change her view of this.

Since I've been commuting on my scooter my wife has come to realize that scooting has the same potential dangers as motorcycling... but she has also somehow made her peace with the idea (although she will only rarely ride with me).

My point is that people's fears are both rational and irrational. And people themselves, and their views on risk, evolve and change over time. She may come around... she may not.

Your scoots are mass-produced things that can be bought, sold and bought again... today, or years from now. Your fiance is the only one of her kind in the world!
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Veni, Vidi, Posti
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Veni, Vidi, Posti
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UTC quote
A time for everything...
....in my view there IS a time and place for everything, and starting a life together with someone may signal the (temporary) end to your riding career IF the relationship and life together is indeed the most important of the two.

Add in plans for children, and it becomes a no-brainer to me.
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Moderatus Rana
MP3 250 and 2 MP3 500s
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UTC quote
Since you are asking my short answer is yes you are wrong. Unless of course you are giving up scooters because you want to...but that doesn't seem to be the case. A lot of guys, myself included, fall in love and then start making concessions that don't seem like a big thing and seems to make her really happy. And some of those concessions really aren't a big deal but some are. If riding is something you really love then taking the action you are thinking about will cause regret and even resentment.

And as someone else said you will more than likely be back riding again after going through a marital battle of some magnitude. Maybe this is the way it has to work out?

Now has she actually asked you to stop riding or is she just expressing that she worries? Quite a difference here and I think each can be worked through. I am assuming that she has known that you liked to ride since you met her. Has she been wanting you to quit riding all along or has the upcoming wedding changed something.

Anyway, I hope you get it sorted out. Relationships take a lot of work at times.
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UTC quote
Get her on the GTS. Maybe get her in a MSF beginners course.
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UTC quote
Being forced/coerced/convinced/whatever to give up one of your passions only leads to resentment and, eventually, an ex-wife.

You know the dangers of riding, yet you still do.

She may say, "If you love me, you'll stop riding" If she really loves you, she shouldn't try to change you from who you are. I'm assuming you were a rider when you met her. She knew that going in then. It's unfair to you, to give up part of what makes you you.
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UTC quote
ROFL emoticon you might get a biased opinion on here....
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UTC quote
when I turned 50 I told my wife that I wanted either a new bike or a 30 year old blond. Her response?

"You better get a new bike...you're not mature enough for a 30 year old"


She's a keeper!
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saggezza di scala
2009 'Burma Shave' Red GTS 250ie
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saggezza di scala
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UTC quote
Afterthought
There's an old joke that goes something like, "Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed."

In reality, when two people move in together, the give-and-take begins... and never ends. It's called compromise, and it is inevitable.

The question you need to ask yourself is whether your fiance is asking (or hinting) for too much compromise on your part. Only you know the answer to that.

I don't know one person (man or woman) who hasn't given up something as part of being in a committed relationship. It may be smoking, drinking or farting in bed... but everyone gives up something.
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UTC quote
Tell her that 'its an enviromental thing' If you sell it, a panda dies.
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For the record, I've never smoked or drank in bed.
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UTC quote
This is worrisome. Can you actually give up an activity that you truly enjoy without there being some repercussions and perhaps recriminations down the road? Is this a compromise you can make without your future relationship being compromised? Is giving up scooters something that your fiancee has actually requested, or are you anticipating that she will? Marriage is always a give-and-take relationship, but if there isn't a parity in the give-and-take, there are going to be some serious problems.
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UTC quote
Life insurance.
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UTC quote
Not so short answer. Do what YOU want to do, not what SHE wants you to do. I know this is counter to most advice or prevalent thinking, and I will provide my not so deep, nor very scientific reasoning.

I have been married now for 18 years. My wife and I got married within 6 months of 6 other couples we knew. OVer the years we have kept in contact with that group, and today, we are the last couple standing.

Why? well, honestly we had no idea why. It took one of the failed couples to figure it out, based upon their implosion.

In short, they changed, we didn't.

The person each of us falls in love with, and wants to spend the rest of our lives with is who they are. Every change they make changes part of who they are. The more changes that are made over time, the less a person is who they started as. Couples may still drift apart, but keeping that 'who' from the beginning, and evolving towards who you want to be.

My real advice, is sit down and talk about it. If the scooters are part of who you are, then giving them up would be a bad thing. If they are not, then it may not be.

My own wife is terrified of motorcycles and scooters alike. She will not ride. However, at this point she accepts that I have been on two wheels, powered and not, for longer than she has known me. They are a part of the fabric of my life, and without them I get grumpy. I do not commute well in the cage. We tried it for a while, but in her own words; "you are a better person, slower to anger and happier when you ride."
OP
@phuocsandiego avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
Former owner of an ET4, GTS 250, BV 500, and Buddy 150
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Location: San Diego, CA
 
Molto Verboso
@phuocsandiego avatar
Former owner of an ET4, GTS 250, BV 500, and Buddy 150
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UTC quote
Thanks for all the feedback guys. And yes, I realized that asking here probably means a somewhat biased response although there are some that have been pretty balanced!

I've always felt that riding a PTW is always much more inherently dangerous than a car. And it's not even about me... it's all the other drivers out there! But I've accepted the risk. For me, riding is about several factors 1) it's fun and 2) it's a lot less hassle commuting than in a car. For her, she doesn't feel that the rewards outweigh the risks. I can respect that. My parents (and others I respect) feel the same way.

As to my specific situation, no, I do not think that giving up riding will cause me resentment at all. I like it but I'm not so passionate about it that it would define my life.

With all that said, I think we've come to a good compromise. She and I spoke for an hour about this today. And the agreement is that I will no longer be commuting on the freeway on a scooter. Nor will I use it for regular transportation. Heck, she even said I can keep both of scooters if I wanted to but if that's the decision, I can't see why I would keep both. So it's down to just one scooter and the other will go. I think it's a good compromise so I'm more than willing to accept.

Now the question is, which one is going? I'm leaning towards keeping the yellow curry GTS.
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UTC quote
If you have to change yourself then you are marrying the wrong person. Period.

Is she marrying you or who she wants you to be? Get out, get out now, while you still can.
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UTC

Moderatus Rana
MP3 250 and 2 MP3 500s
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Moderatus Rana
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UTC quote
Sounds like you two are working it out. Which one to sell??? If you are going to be off the freeways and don't plan on many weekend long rides I would keep the 250 for tooting around town...and it will still be fun for the occasional weekend ride. Good luck.
@brown_beret7 avatar
UTC

Veni, Vidi, Posti
1975 Vespa GTR 125, 1976 Vespa V90 (Resto), 2001 Vespa ET4 125 (Sold), 2009 Vespa GTS300 Super
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UTC quote
Monit wrote:
I think what we need is an advanced wife course. One where they learn about the things that make a man, a man.

+ 1 - I'm with that, but I'd call it an ADVANCED LIFE course - one where you don't have to trade something you love to add something else you love into your life. Nobody says you can't have more than one love. After all, a life full of loves is a life full of joys, happiness and often health too, and who doesn't want that?

And if you hear 'if you loved me then...' then the alarm bells should be ringing!

We have a organic clothing company called Howies in the UK, who make this T shirt amongst others - it kinda sums it up for me.

Good luck
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UTC quote
Pay for and offer her a MSF course. She doesn't even need to do the riding if it just isn't her thing. But she needs to know more about you and what you love. I have been driving for for about fifty years. more than one serious accident in that time.Riding scooters this time for about three years. had a crash, broke my shoulder. My wife's response? "did they cut up your jacket? Shoot I really like d that jacket". Not THAT'S a keeper.
UTC

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UTC quote
Re: Who wants to buy my scooters?
phuocsandiego wrote:
Well guys, it looks like my scooter riding days are almost over.

I'm going to get married soon (within a year) and the fiance says she worries about me riding the scooters, especially on the freeway.

And since I don't want her to worry all the time about me, I'm thinking I need to sell them.
Well the fact that I have gear-lust for both bikes aside:

Your wife to be has some valid concerns, but maybe you could still hang on to one for fun?

Congrats though, marriage is an interesting ride, and if the two of you are really in it, then it's awesome!
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UTC quote
You can always buy another scoot!
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UTC

Hooked
LX 150
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UTC quote
Re: Who wants to buy my scooters?
phuocsandiego wrote:
Well guys, it looks like my scooter riding days are almost over.

I'm going to get married soon (within a year) and the fiance says she worries about me riding the scooters, especially on the freeway.

And since I don't want her to worry all the time about me, I'm thinking I need to sell them.

No doubt some will think I'm overreacting or whatever, but she does have a point. I know the other side of the argument, enjoy your life, etc.

So am I wrong to be thinking like this?

(Oh and that means no scooters in Paris either... but perhaps she'll let me keep one for fun now and again but definitely no more commuting on them.)
DANGER WIL ROBINSON DANGER! this could be an early warning sign of a controlling person and will you carry any resentment fwd into the marriage.
@old_as_dirt avatar
UTC

Veni, Vidi, Posti
2007 GTS
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Location: Harriman, Tennessee, Tn
 
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@old_as_dirt avatar
2007 GTS
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UTC quote
good news for you phuocsandiego. keep which ever one you like the most for what ever reasons.
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UTC

Molto Verboso
2011 GTS300 Super Duper - 2014 Honda CTX700ND
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@zombies-nyc avatar
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UTC quote
What's she willing to give up in return?
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UTC quote
My wife and I spent a number of years early in our marriage trying to do everything together. That basically required me to give up riding bicycles, racing formula ford and a few other things. We did do her things....movies and such.

After a while, it really wore on me. I wasn't doing the things that I truly loved (other than her )

We talked about it a bit and came to the conclusion that I would be doing some of those things with or without her.

We very much do our own things now and come together to do things together when we both want to. The other part of the deal was that I am insured very well. She doesn't have any worries about money if I fail at something I'm doing. Now I'm back to riding bicycles, instead of the formula racing I'm racing sailplanes and I've added scooters to the mix as well.

We are both better off for it.

Do what you need to, but do keep your own identity too. It'll be better for everyone in the long run.
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UTC quote
I was just about to offer my 2 cents when happily I read that you've worked it all out, and....keep a scoot! Marvelous results after meeting of minds and heart I say choose the 250 and "get on" to the wedding plans! Congrats...."life is good!" (hmmm....where's that t-shirt anyway?)
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Molto Verboso
2006 GTS 250ie in Silver
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Molto Verboso
@bendcyclist avatar
2006 GTS 250ie in Silver
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1808
Location: Bend, OR
UTC quote
Seriously dude?

Here is a thought, maybe you could add a second fiance that is into riding? That way you can have two of those as well. Laughing emoticon

I have learned a lot on the road of life so far and many of lessens were figured out while riding my GTS and pondering the solutions. In marriage there are some compromises to be made but there is a little thing called "acceptance" that needs to exist as well.

She should not want you to be any different than who you are today. If she is new to riding then she will not get that you love it no matter how hard you try and convince her.

If you eliminate commuting, and any type of freeway riding then what is left?

If you have to get rid of both bikes I would suggest rolling the cash into a down payment on a Porsche Boxster S. That way you can still get a thrill somehow.

Best of luck!
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