OP
@60yomod avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
2009 LXV125
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1566
Location: Baildon, Yorkshire, England
 
Molto Verboso
@60yomod avatar
2009 LXV125
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1566
Location: Baildon, Yorkshire, England
UTC quote
Little Johnny strikes again:-

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see RockCity and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.

Johnny said.......










'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
@santiago avatar
UTC

Ossessionato
Vespa GTS
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4750
Location: Maynard MA and Cape Cod
 
Ossessionato
@santiago avatar
Vespa GTS
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4750
Location: Maynard MA and Cape Cod
UTC quote
Little Johnny needs to go to his room. Laughing emoticon
@gianni avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
GTS Vintage Red
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1028
Location: Scarsdale, NY
 
Molto Verboso
@gianni avatar
GTS Vintage Red
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1028
Location: Scarsdale, NY
UTC quote
ROFL emoticon ROFL emoticon
@mpfrank avatar
UTC

Ossessionato
2020 MP3 500 HPE Sport ABS/ASR
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4687
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora Reina de los Ángeles sobre el Río Porciúncula
 
Ossessionato
@mpfrank avatar
2020 MP3 500 HPE Sport ABS/ASR
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4687
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora Reina de los Ángeles sobre el Río Porciúncula
UTC quote
And yet again...

The teacher was trying to teach the children words to express their feelings. Rather than just use more words, she invited the students to come to the chalkboard to make a drawing to illustrate particular feelings.

This week's feelings were hate, anger, and fear.

Little Mary came up and drew a dark forest.

George drew a stormy sea.

And so on.

Finally, the teacher, with much trepidation, called on Johnny.

Johnny came to the board, picked up a piece of chalk, and just stared at the board for what seemed like forever. Then he struck, just once, with the chalk, leaving a single dot on the board.

Then he returned to his seat.

Even more trepidatiously, the teacher asked, "And what is that Johnny?"

Johnny replied, "A period."

"A-n-d ... what does that have to do with the feelings we are learning about today?"

"Well, Johnny replied, "Last month my sister missed hers, and you should have seen the hate, anger, and fear around our house!"
@broz avatar
UTC

Hooked
2001 ET4
Joined: UTC
Posts: 289
Location: Charlotte,NC
 
Hooked
@broz avatar
2001 ET4
Joined: UTC
Posts: 289
Location: Charlotte,NC
UTC quote
while we're busting on little johny...
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out,"Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"
@voneschenbach avatar
UTC

Ossessionato
A fracking cage sadly
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4000
Location: Seattle
 
Ossessionato
@voneschenbach avatar
A fracking cage sadly
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4000
Location: Seattle
UTC quote
Lies. All lies. I did none of those things.

John
@mpfrank avatar
UTC

Ossessionato
2020 MP3 500 HPE Sport ABS/ASR
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4687
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora Reina de los Ángeles sobre el Río Porciúncula
 
Ossessionato
@mpfrank avatar
2020 MP3 500 HPE Sport ABS/ASR
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4687
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora Reina de los Ángeles sobre el Río Porciúncula
UTC quote
voneschenbach wrote:
Lies. All lies. I did none of those things.

John
We'll be the judge of that.

One day, the teacher decides to teach a lesson on manners. One by one, she hands each student a cookie. One by one, they each take the cookie and say, "Thank you, Teacher."

Unable to put it off any longer, she approaches Johnny.

"Here, Johnny, have a cookie."

Johnny grabs the cookie. "Up yours, you damned teacher!"

The teacher, shocked, grabs Johnny by the collar and drags him to the principal's office. Unable to even talk about the incident, she puts the plate of cookies on the principal's desk and says, "Here, offer him a cookie!"

The principal offers Johnny a cookie.

Johnny grabs it and says, "Up yours, you damned principal!"

Also shocked, the principal immediately calls Johnny's mother and says, "There's a problem with your son. We need you to come to the school immediately!"

Minutes later, a concerned mom bustles into the office.

"Watch this," the principal says to her.

He offers Johnny a cookie.

Johnny grabs it and says, "Up yours, you damned principal!"

The mother, aghast, shouts out:



"Well, shit! Don't give it to him!"
@jroseborough avatar
UTC

Hooked
GTS 300 Super White Mr. Beefy
Joined: UTC
Posts: 449
Location: Reno, NV
 
Hooked
@jroseborough avatar
GTS 300 Super White Mr. Beefy
Joined: UTC
Posts: 449
Location: Reno, NV
UTC quote
Mother wanted to teach little Johnny a lesson about the evils of drinking. She took him to the priest and sat him down in his office then left.

"Now Johnny," the priest said,"I want you to pay close attention to what I am going to show you."

The priest gets 2 shot glasses and places them on his desk. In the first glass he puts clean clear water. Into the second glass goes a double shot of whiskey. He places a live worm in each glass and waits.

Little Johnny stares in rapt attention at the worms. The worm is the water is alive and healthy. But the worm in the whiskey wriggles a little bit then dies!

"Now Johnny, what can we learn from this lesson?" says the priest.

He replies." If I drink whiskey I won't have worms?"
@waspmike avatar
UTC

Ossessionato
LXV 150 3v ie. Midnight Blue (Sold) Now Honda Zoomer X
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4129
Location: Kingdom of Lanna
 
Ossessionato
@waspmike avatar
LXV 150 3v ie. Midnight Blue (Sold) Now Honda Zoomer X
Joined: UTC
Posts: 4129
Location: Kingdom of Lanna
UTC quote
A Teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious." Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Johnny jumps up and says, "Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious."
OP
@60yomod avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
2009 LXV125
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1566
Location: Baildon, Yorkshire, England
 
Molto Verboso
@60yomod avatar
2009 LXV125
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1566
Location: Baildon, Yorkshire, England
UTC quote
And that's the winner Laughing emoticon
@monit avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
GTS 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1647
Location: Sunshine Coast Australia
 
Molto Verboso
@monit avatar
GTS 300
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1647
Location: Sunshine Coast Australia
UTC quote
waspmike wrote:
A Teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious." Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Johnny jumps up and says, "Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious."
Oh dear Facepalm emoticon
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