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@jwilliams avatar
UTC

Addicted
'60 Allstate VNB1, '60 GS150 VS5, '61 Cushman VBB1, '62 GS160 Mk1 VSB1, '64 GL VLA1, '74 Rally VSE1 200 Euro, '78 P200e VSX, '06 LX150
Joined: UTC
Posts: 814
Location: Half Moon Bay, CA
 
Addicted
@jwilliams avatar
'60 Allstate VNB1, '60 GS150 VS5, '61 Cushman VBB1, '62 GS160 Mk1 VSB1, '64 GL VLA1, '74 Rally VSE1 200 Euro, '78 P200e VSX, '06 LX150
Joined: UTC
Posts: 814
Location: Half Moon Bay, CA
UTC quote
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in
the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted
project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to
it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them
somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes
fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it
takes you to say, 'Oh shit!'

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the
creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to
convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija
board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal
your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round
off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to
transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting
various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the
grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the
ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack
handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by
most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily
fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of
the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile
strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals
under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil
on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans.
Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws
and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that
clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive
parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. It is especially valuable at
being able to find the EXACT location of the thumb or index finger of the
other hand.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents
of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well
on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,
collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially
useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool
that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at
the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will
need.
@fabio_dougie avatar
UTC

Scooter Pimp
Joined: UTC
Posts: 3098
Location: England
 
Scooter Pimp
@fabio_dougie avatar
Joined: UTC
Posts: 3098
Location: England
UTC quote
Re: Tools Explained
jwilliams wrote:
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija
board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal
your future becomes.
.


Now that's funny!!!



Fabio

.
@nigelthefish avatar
UTC

Ossessionato
ET2, PX150
Joined: UTC
Posts: 3410
Location: Denver CO
 
Ossessionato
@nigelthefish avatar
ET2, PX150
Joined: UTC
Posts: 3410
Location: Denver CO
UTC quote
Re: Tools Explained
jwilliams wrote:
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents
of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well
on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,
collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially
useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

Add hand grips to the list of things you can slice through....
@jsharpphoto avatar
UTC

Molto Verboso
1974 Vespa Sprint Veloce, 1963 VBB 180 Custom
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1380
Location: Dallas, TX
 
Molto Verboso
@jsharpphoto avatar
1974 Vespa Sprint Veloce, 1963 VBB 180 Custom
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1380
Location: Dallas, TX
UTC quote
RUBBER GLOVES: Used as a temporary container for blood that fills rapidly when you cut yourself.
@rodri9o avatar
UTC

Addicted
PX 200 E 'Iris' edition
Joined: UTC
Posts: 876
Location: Long Island, NY
 
Addicted
@rodri9o avatar
PX 200 E 'Iris' edition
Joined: UTC
Posts: 876
Location: Long Island, NY
UTC quote
Totally true, JW...totally true
UTC

Molto Verboso
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1916
 
Molto Verboso
Joined: UTC
Posts: 1916
UTC quote
Son Of A Bitch Tool !
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